


He loved me.

by Marssparks



Series: O' Valley Of fanfics [2]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Bisexual Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon, Bottom Jaskier | Dandelion, Character Death, Fluff and Angst, Forgive Me, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Whump, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia is Bad at Feelings, Good Parent Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Hurt, Hurt Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Hurt Jaskier | Dandelion, Immortal Jaskier bc he dies already in this fic and I can't let him die again in the future, Jaskier | Dandelion Whump, M/M, Mentioned Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Not Beta Read, Parents Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia and Jaskier | Dandelion, Past Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Past Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Porn with Feelings, Protective Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Smut, Smut at the end tho, Temporary Character Death, They discuss switching positions in the future tho, Time Skips, Top Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Young Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:42:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 38,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22116559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marssparks/pseuds/Marssparks
Summary: Geralt and jaskier meet again after their parting, time has passed, and things have changed. They have changed. Do they still love each other?Sequel to 'I love(d) you.'
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: O' Valley Of fanfics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1591981
Comments: 35
Kudos: 237





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to make everyone cry in this book. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

Getting off a carriage and yelling thanks to the man who had dropped him off, Jaskier looks forwards towards the large gate leading to the kingdom of temeria, one of the most powerful kingdom of the North; and one of the main reasons Nilfgaard had lost the war _two years ago._

The bard held tightly to the silver and gold amulet around his neck, the crystal in the middle had cracked and become worn around a year ago. Meaning he had lost contact with Geralt around the same time.

That would change today. He had gotten word a town over of the White wolf and his daughter, Cirilla, attending a ball because he had helped a powerful Lord during the war.

Jaskier knew he wouldn't be allowed into the ball easily, he didn't exactly look like his noble self. The last two years had been rough, but things had started looking up recently.

He planned to win his way into the ball, there was a rumour of a tournament to see who was the best musician, and whoever won, would play at the ball a jig. 

He already imagined it, him, playing a beautiful song, and entrancing everyone; and then him and Geralt meet eyes, like one of those princess tales, they run into each others arms and hug tightly.

He could only hope.

It hadn't been long before he had seen the posters to go a certain tavern to sign up. He trudged his way through the city, and eventually made it to the tavern, paying his entry fee to play for the patrons.

An hour passes, and he's watching the other contestants play their instruments to the crowd, telling tales that are faker than a excuse made by a child.

When it's his turn to play, he plays an original of his, starting with a ballad of one of his adventures with Geralt. The crowd is roaring for an encore, but he had to let the other musicians take their turns.

The people vote for who makes it to the second round, and its him, a woman, and another man.

On the second round, he plays 'her sweet kiss' and another song he had written, but it wasn't about Geralt this time. It had been about his personal struggles.

The crowd didn't seem too excited about his singing and playing this time around, but he seemed to still attract people who appreciated his music. The woman plays amazingly, and if Jaskier hadn't wanted to go to the ball so desperately, he would have hoped she got through.

The other man? Not so much, his playing on his instrument was amazing, but his singing didn't follow, he was like Orpheus with his lute, but not with the voice.

So, it didn't seem much of a surprise as him and the woman got to the last round. It was time to pull out his secret card. His last long about Geralt, though no name is said, the one he had put most heart into to, and it wasn't sappy, but it was romantic, it wasn't too cheerful, but it still had the adventure aspect.

When he sang, he started slow, and quiet, and eventually raises the speed and emotion in his voice. By the end of the song, he's practically crying, with cheer or sadness, he didn't know, and yet continues singing. The crowd cheers, and the woman begins to play next, and it was just a juxtaposition of act that it almost gave everyone in the tavern whip lash. It was almost like she was handing over the win to Jaskier.

After they finish, and the votes come in, Jaskier gets the invitation as a Bard to the Ball. He goes to the woman, and thanks her for letting him win. She says that she could tell heartache when she saw it, and she could tell this was important to him. He smiles at her, and goes to find a room at a Inn to rest for the night and prepare for the ball tomorrow.

He needed a haircut and some new clothes, first. 

He goes to the market, and picks out a costly outfit, dyed royal navy blue, and ties his appearance together. In exchange for the outfit, he buys scissors instead of having someone cut his wild hair.

He goes to the Inn, and purchases a room, and asks for a bath to be drawn. He cuts his hair, then bathes. As he goes to the bed to slumber, he feels giddy, he was going to see Geralt again after two whole years. Exhausted by todays work, he closes his eyes, and falls into sleep.

* * *

When he awakens, it's noon, he gets dressed in his new outfit , and rushes out of the Inn, and begins to make his way to the ball, having an apple for... Late breakfast

The entire way there, he's practically vibrating with excitement, with a twinge of nervousness. 

When he enters the ball, he blends in with the crowds easily, a couple of wives he recognises, but he keeps moving. He meets the Lord who's hosting the ball, who stops him once he had seen the lute on Jaskiers back. 

"are you the bard, from the tavern?" 

"yes, my lord." Jaskier nods. "my name is Jask—" 

"how much do you want to be paid for tonight?" 

"150" he says immediately, that would be enough to get him a bed at an Inn and a hot meal.

"150,000? Done. Now get over there and play a jig!" the Lord demands, practically pushing him to the area. His eyes widen at the price, but nods and goes to do as told. 

Jaskier gets to the small stand, and slowly starts strumming his lute, and builds up to play a jig. 

He hadnt seen Geralt yet, or the girl Cirilla he had told Jaskier so much about. Maybe they were fashionably late, or maybe he hadn't seen Geralt yet. The Lords and wives start cheering as the jig becomes more cheerful and quick. 

Once the couples dances had started, Jaskier was beginning to get worried Geralt wasn't going to show. 

He was wrong. Geralt was here. And he had still looked amazing. Jaskier finds his eyes stuck to Witcher, who didn't seem to realise the bard playing was Jaskier. 

Geralt looked.. Well, like Geralt. Hell, He could even say he looked better than when they last saw each other. Happier even.. 

Jaskier shakes his head, snapped out of it as he sees Geralt approaching the dance floor with a lady. 

Oh. 

His fingers trip up on his lute, and he messes up the tune. He feels like there's a thousand eyes on him as he tries to catch the song again. He gulps, and looks at the other musicians playing as back up. He makes a gesture for one of the other lute players to come take his place, and they gladly do so. 

Jaskier finds himself rushing out of the ballroom, to a balcony. Once the fresh gust of air hits his face, he gasps. 

What was wrong with him? Did he expect Geralt to wait for Jaskier? Jaskier hadnt slept with anyone for the last two years, he thought him and Geralt.. 

Fuck. 

He puts his head in his hands, and felt as if he could throw himself off this balcony right there. 

Why would he ever think the great white wolf would actually love him? 

Jaskier digs into his pocket, and takes out the letter Geralt had left him. 

He doesn't even realise he's crying till tears drop down onto the words 'I am fond of you'.

"are you out here because it's too stuffy in there too?" he hears a girl ask. 

When he turns to look, he realises she matches the description of Ciri, Geralt daughter. 

"ah, your royal.. Whatever." Jaskier mumbles. "yeah, it's too...crowded." he wipes away his tears. 

He hears Ciri laugh at his attempt to address her status. "its just Ciri, okay? I don't like it when people call me princess, or queen, or whatever, anymore." she looks slightly sour. "that title was lost when Cintra fell." 

"ah, give it a couple hundred years and they'll be the most powerful again. Especially with you at the face of the kingdom" He looks at the stars. 

Ciri is quiet for a moment. "beautiful, isn't it? The universe is so vast, and we're just little specks yet we feel like our problems are so large" 

"you're travelling with the witcher, right?" he asks. 

He notices in the corner of his eyes she tenses. "yes? 

"is.. Is Geralt doing okay?" He questions softly. 

"I... I don't mean to sound rude, but I fail to see how that's any if your—" 

"Ciri?"

Jaskier feels his heart jump to his throat, and his stomach drops all at once as he hears Geralt step onto the balcony. 

"I'm okay, Geralt."

"what did I tell you about talking to strangers?" he hears the white wolf mutter. 

"I don't think I'm much of a stranger." Jaskier turns around and faces Geralt suddenly, his voice holding jest, yet he felt so sad. 

There's a minute of silence. 

"Jaskier..?" Geralt furrows his eyebrows together, concern knitting his expression. 

"Hello, Witcher." he says bitterly. 

"what are you doing here?" Geralt takes a step forward and stops when Jaskier takes a step back, and leans against the balcony railing. 

"I'm confused, you two know each other?" Ciri grabs onto Geralt's arm. 

"ciri, this is _Jaskier_. The Bard I told you about." Geralt introduces him. 

Ciri's face lights up, and she smiles at the bard. "oh! That's why you were asking about Geralt! It's nice to finally meet you."

"i.." Jaskier looks at her, and his eyes flicker back to Geralt, his heart pounds loudly once more, he's sure Geralt hears it. "i shouldnt have came."

"what? Why not?" Geralt askes, surprised by Jaskier's words. 

"you- we- Geralt.." he stumbles over his words. "i can't.. Not with Ciri here. She's too young to hear what I want to say to you."

"you can come back with us to the Inn. You can stay with Geralt in his room. Then you can talk privately?" Ciri suggests. 

"no!" Jaskier jumps to answer. 

Geralt stares at Jaskier for a moment, before looking at the short girl. 

"go inside." he tells her, and she nods, smiling, and leaves. "Jaskier." he starts, his eyes looking over the bards form. His stare lingers on the broken amulet around his neck. 

"I still have this." Jaskier pulls it off his neck. "its kind of useless now. Broken. But even then, you aren't wearing yours." He stares at the white wolf for a moment. 

"I guess this is kind of a metaphor for our relationship, broken" Jaskier mutters. "I saw you in there. You were dancing with a lady, your eyes didn't tare away from her. I know love when I see it Geralt."

"ohmygoodgods, Jaskier." Geralt stops him, pinching the bridge of his nose. "you have to be jesting." 

"do I look like a jester, Geralt!? " He yells, clenching the amulet tight, ignoring the tremors around his body. 

"that woman is a friend. She's helped Ciri and I through a couple rough patches through the war." 

"friends don't get all close and personal like that, Geralt!" Jaskier tries to yell, but it comes out weak, and he's trying to be mad, but he's just given up being mad. 

He's traveled cities and towns to get here to see Geralt, and he's treated like a joke because he saw the love of his life with someone else? 

He's exhausted. 

"it was a dance, Jaskier." Geralt steps closer into his personal space. 

"she got you to dance? Wow! It took me, like, twenty whole minutes to get you to dance with me!" 

"and it took her two years." he frowns. "you look different."

"are you short a couple marbles?" Jaskier huffs. "its been two years. Of course I do. You look forever unchanging."

"i mean, you look tired. You've gotten skinnier." Geralt cups his cheek, and Jaskier fights leaning into the touch. 

"I have spent the last year and a half looking for you." Jaskier mutters. "you never came for me, with Ciri."

"the war got in the way. Ciri was in danger." Geralt sighs. 

"the war finished a year before our amulets lost connection. You could have come to me any time." Jaskier mumbles. 

"my amulet was broken and lost in combat with a creature. " Geralt explains. 

"oh." Jaskier feels dumb, but that explanation doesn't excuse his feelings. 

Geralt keeps his hand on Jaskiers cheek, it's cold, and calloused.

"i've missed you." Geralt admits.

"i..have missed you too." Jaskier nods. "I have so many tales and songs to catch you up to".

Geralt rolls his eyes. "do you want to take Ciri's offer to stay with us, now?" 

"of course.." he rubs the back of his neck. "I'm still mad. But I can scold you later, for now, I have to go play for the people or else I won't be paid." 

The end of the ball comes quick, and Jaskier doesn't hide his stares to Geralt, and his small smiles to Ciri. He accepts his new richs, and goes to meet Geralt and Ciri at the entrance to mansion. 

"can you please play us that one song about Geralt? The one about tossing a coin? I've heard so much about it but never actually heard it." Ciri pounces the question immediately. 

"I'm sure Jaskier is too tired to—" 

"no, no, Geralt." he smirks deviously, "let me play it for the girl" 

There a heavy groan, and a squeal of excitement. 

Jaskier begins to play as they head to the Inn, singing gleefully, and as he passes by people, they join in for a moment or so. He almost feels flustered at how far his song has reached. 

At the end of the song, Ciri is clapping happily and grinning. Geralt rolls his eyes, and shows Jaskier to their room, before taking ciri to her room to tuck her in, it being quite late now.

Jaskier begins to change, nude as he unfolds his change of clothes. He hears Geralt enter the room, as he pulls up his trousers, and slips on his shirt. 

"I know you're still mad, that I hadn't come to find you even if our amulets were broken." Geralt says. 

"wow, I wonder what gave you that idea." Jaskier rolls his eyes. "I'm mad, yes, but I cant possibly expect you to find me in this wide world. I'm just.. What does our relationship mean to you? Did you sleep with anyone in the last two years?" 

"Jaskier." Geralt looks away. 

"I knew it." He bites his lips. "its fine."

"it wasnt anything personal, it was just quick..things" Geralt tries to finds the words, but speaks firmly. 

"I don't know if that makes it better or worse." Jaskier shrugs. "want to hear what I did in the last two years? I'm sure it's nothing compared to your..fighting a war and being a parent.." 

"I never fought in the war. I was avoiding it, to look after Ciri." 

"right, good, right." Jaskier nods. "last month I met a group of mages. They were really nice for mages. Helped me out with a curse I got put on me for calling someone out on their bullshit-" he pauses. "don't even get me started on that part of the story" he begins to ramble, completely changing the subject. 

Geralt wouldn't admit it, but he missed that too. 

* * *

When the next morning came, Jaskier wasn't surprised to find that Geralt had left the bed they shared, and had probably left him to go to another town as well. He yawns, and dismisses his thoughts, looking at himself in the vanity in the room and did a double take. Oh good gods, his hair was everywhere. He huffed, and combed down his wild mane before putting on his footwear and leaving the room.

When he left, he hesistates, peaking out from around the corner as he registers Geralt's voice talking to someone.

"Triss." he greets her. 

And when Jaskier peaks to out to look at this 'Triss' it was the same woman from the dance. This wasn't going to be a big deal, Geralt said there was nothing going on between the two of them.

"Geralt, you left our dance early." she Immediately says. "I was going to explain that supposedly Fringilla is alive, and she wants that child you're parenting. She's going to come after you, and Ciri."

"I thought she was killed." It wasn't a question, but more of a statement, Geralt looks at the sorcereress infront of him.

"apparently not. Someone spared her once finding out she was baring a child" Triss explains.

"thank you, Triss." Geralt nods to her. "any news of Yennefer?"

"still missing I'm afraid."

Jaskier was done eavesdropping, he turned around and went to Ciris room, knocking on her door gently.

"little one? Are you awake?" Jaskier askes, he hears a tumble, and the girl opens the door.

"i- yeah." She smiles at him, despite looking like she just woke up.

He peers into the room. "is there anyone in here with you?"

"no- i- Jaskier wait! She says she's nice!"

Pushing Ciri behind him, Jaskier looks around the room, keeping a fierce (but not bruising) grip on Ciri cautiously. He could almost see a shadow in the wash room, when a puff of black smoke appears, and the shadow, and the person is gone.

He looks at Ciri. "did she say her name?"

"no..but I swear she's nice! If she wanted to hurt me or take me, she would have done it already" she pouts. "please don't tell Geralt, he's already paranoid about my safety as it is.."

Jaskier kneels down slightly to match her height. He whispers, "listen, I won't tell Geralt for now, but if she ever comes back, tell me. And if she ever touchs you, tell me. If she ever talks to you—"

"tell you. I got it."

"good. I can't have you hurt, if anything happened to you, I'm pretty sure Geralt would freak out. Plus, you're kinda fun, kid." he smiles at her. "get dressed and..fix your hair"

She nods, and Jaskier leaves her room as Geralt is approaching. 

"ah, the young lady is dressing. I'm sure she wants privacy" He explains.

"you and her seem to be getting along." He grunts.

"she appears appreciate my singing more than you do."

"she grew up listening to the best bards in the continent, I'm sure she's just appreciating the folk songs now."

Jaskier dramatically slaps Geralt arm. "how dare you! My songs are more than for folks, well, yes, they mainly are, but I have preformed for the Lords and ladies of this land too"

Geralt nods, suddenly growing serious. "why am I sensing magic from Ciri's room?"

"im sure it's nothing." he blocks the door.

"let me pass, Jaskier." He growls. "she could be in danger—"

"I gave her one of my perfumes from the mages I was telling you about yesterday, uh... She said she liked the scent?"

Geralt stares Jaskier straight in the eyes, and the Bard nervously keeps eye contact.

"hm, okay." He nods, "we're going."

"ooh, where, pray tell" Jaskier smirks. "tell me, mighty witcher, where are we going now?" 

"I heard there's a creature of sorts terrorising folks a town over. I hope you can walk for over an hour." He crosses his arms. 

"what? Why can't I ride on roach?" He pouts. 

"Ciri is riding with me." Geralt rolls his eyes, and as if summoned, the girl walks out of her room. 

"can we get that pastry from yesterday for breakfast? The one with the cinnamon from the market?" Cirilla askes, smiling at Geralt. 

"it was costly, little one. We need to save our silver for a room at the next town—" 

"I got paid yesterday, at the ball, let me buy it for her." Jaskier insists. "come now, show me this pastry that's so amazing you want it again" 

Ciri grabs Jaskier, and starts dragging him to the market. Geralt follows along, watching the two carefully. 

At the market, Jaskier buys her the cinnamon pastry, and one of his favourite custard pastries. Half way through eating the flaky and creamy item, he puts it out for Geralt to take the rest and eat it himself. 

"come now, have it. Its nice." he takes Geralts hand and puts it in his hand. 

Geralt sighs, and eats it quickly, taking a liking to it, but refusing to show that on his face. Ciri finishes her pastry, and Geralt wipes away the crumbs around her mouth. 

"thank you, Jaskier" She grins. 

Jaskier nods. "you remind me of a fair lady I had become friends with a couple years ago, she loved her pastries and whenever I sang to her, she's make me a pie of sorts and hand it over gracefully. Those were the best pies I've ever had—" 

As they walk, there's never silence, just chatter either from the bard or the child, and once they make it to the stable, Geralt lifts Ciri onto Roach gently before getting onto the mare herself, and taking the reins. 

And so, started their journey. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They arrive at the new town, and immediately get a contract about a baby Leviathan, that really shouldn't be around this area but Geralt accepts because of the pay, and it wouldn't be the first time he kills one.
> 
> Ciri and this mysterious sorcereress talk. 
> 
> Jaskier is conflicted with his relationship with the witcher but tries to mend it anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment and enjoy :)

Once arriving upon the town over, Jaskiers feet are sore, and as he says, ready to fall off. The only time they had taken to rest was when Roach had started to become uneasy and thirsty. 

The trio go to an Inn, where Geralt tells Jaskier to keep an eye on Ciri as he gets them a all a hot meal, and two rooms. He returns with the keys to the rooms, and the steaming food. Ciri insists they eat together before going to rest, and Jaskier agrees with her.

Geralt rolls his eyes, and feels he can't say no. 

While they eat, Geralt tells the two about his contract he had just received by an old man who says the reward will be heafty. 

"a leviathan." He tells the bard and the Princess. "sea creatures. Rarely found in rivers. I guess this is just a one chance."

"have you fought one before?" Jaskier askes. 

"yes.. I got trapped right between its teeth, it practically impaled my entire abdomen." Geralt grunts. "I was young, and at that moment and time, I thought I was going to die."

"good for us you didn't, then" Ciri finishes her food. "I'm going to bed early."

"do you want me to tuck you in?" Geralt raises an eyebrow, and Jaskier can't believe the white wolf, the butcher, the witcher; the grumpy man, had just said that. He really was soft for this child. 

"no, no thanks." she smiles. "good night, Geralt, Jaskier."

Geralt nods to her, and Jaskier exclaims 'night, young lady!' 

He finds himself meeting Geralt's eyes once more. "so, you a parent huh?" 

"I'm not letting this child down. You were right, I needed to pick up responsibility." 

Jaskier nods. "what I mean is, you've really gone soft for this child."

"you must be imagining things." Geralt finishes his plate, and goes to his room in the inn.

Jaskier pushes the food around in his plate. Some time to think, alone. About the last 24 hours. 

Him and Geralt were back in each others presence, yet why does it feel like they are so far apart? 

He found himself jealous a lot more than normal. And conflicted. 

Geralt had told him he had slept with people during the two years they weren't near each other, but their relationship was still present. He said it so firm, so calm, so easily, that at the time, Jaskier hadn't really known how to react. 

During the time apart, Jaskier had refused to sleep with anyone, which was a miracle considering this was Jaskier. 

Maybe that's why it hurt so much. 

Because he kept himself isolated for Geralt. And only to learn the witcher had slept with multiple people.

But he wasn't mad. Its like Geralt had said. It was never anything personal. It wasn't like his relationship with Jaskier. 

Jaskier finishes his now cold food, and goes to their room. He kicks off his footwear, and gets into the shared bed with the witcher. It seemed Geralt was asleep, or so he thought. 

So you must imagine his surprise when he feels Geralt wrap his arms around Jaskier, and pull him close to him, their bodies flushed together, chest to back. The bard relaxes once feeling Geralt gently nuzzle into his neck, breathing in his scent. 

"I'm fond of you, Jaskier." He presses a kiss to Jaskier's neck. 

Jaskier smiles, and turns around in the bed, facing Geralt; who didn't let go of Jaskiers waist. 

"I love you too, Old man." he smirks. "y'know—" 

"don't talk. Sleep." Geralt shushes. "we're going to awake early."

Jaskier sighs and nods, closing his eyes and leaning against Geralt. 

And so, he falls into slumber, conflicted, yet in love. 

* * *

Meanwhile, with Ciri.

"ma'am! You're back!" Cirilla says in a hushed voice. 

"hello, Ciri." She sits on the end of Ciri's bed, wearing a soft smile. "you've left temeria" 

"well, we were only there because of the ball that Lord invited us to.. I insisted to Geralt we go because it seemed fun, and he's been very grumpy lately. More than normal." She spills out. "I'm worried about him."

"why is he grumpy, little sheep?" the woman, with a swipe of her fingers, makes a gesture at Ciri's ear, and a flower appears, she tucks it in the girls hair. 

"he was worried about Yennefer.." She giggles as the flower touches her hair. "thank you."

"blue lilacs look good on you." the lady compliments. "who's yennefer?" 

"yennefer is.. A friend? That's what Geralt told me. He told me him and her used to be more than friends, but.. Something happened and now he's more than friends with Jaskier!" she explains. 

"Jaskier?" the woman tilts her head innocently. 

"Jaskier is our friend. He's a bard. He's very nice and sings well. He said I shouldn't trust you. Well, he didn't say that exactly, but he implied it." 

But Ciri trusted this sorceress, foolishly. She didn't exactly know why, but she gave off this feeling of home, and love. 

"and the witcher is in.. Love...with this Jaskier?" she stands, and tucks Ciri in. "that's nice."

"yeah. Geralt is nice." Ciri yawns. "he acts all tough and grumpy, but he cares." 

"I see."

"can you find yennefer for me? So I can tell Geralt she's okay? He's very sad that she might not be okay." Ciri looks up, wide eyes, at the sorcereress.

"i'll try to find her for you." she assures. "goodnight, Little sheep." 

And as Ciri closes her eyes, she swore she could see a faint sickening grin spread around the woman's face. 

* * *

Morning comes soon, and Geralt awakens first as always. He dresses in his tunic and leather pants, boots, and his sheathed sword strapped to his back. He awakens Jaskier with a push. 

"wake up, Bard. I'm going to train you to defend yourself before Ciri wakes up."

Jaskier takes a while, but sits up, and stretches. He smiles hazily.

"train me? Do you mean an excuse to beat me up?"

"I'm not going to hurt you." Geralt says seriously, assurance tight in his voice. "stand before i make you."

"oh, and how are you going to make me?" Jaskier smirks.

He immediately regrets saying that as Geralt drags him out of the bed, and onto the hard floor within two seconds. Jaskier groans and stands. 

"dress. Something that's more flexible for combat." he demands.

Jaskier sighs, and puts on a simple worn tunic, a pair of loose pants and his normal footwear. 

"that'll have to do." Jaskier looks at himself in the vanity. "I have no better outfit for this occasion. Speaking of, why are you deciding to do this? And now?"

"it's early, the best time to train. There's no one around to disturb you, and why? Because I can't always be there to protect you, Jaskier."

"i found my way around a dagger within the last two years, I'm sure I can defend myself." Jaskier rolls his eyes.

Geralt leaves the Inn, and Jaskier follows suit.

"seriously, I'm super good at fighting now, I mean, I can catch my own food, I only got robbed... 18 times, and that's because they caught me off guard."

They make it to a small clearing in the nearby woods, and Geralt stops.

"I'm sure." he replies, sarcastic. He rolls his eyes.

Geralt tosses a dagger to Jaskier, who let's it drop before picking it up, mumbling something about that being 'dangerous'.

"oh- are we starting right now?—" Jaskier says, right before he's knocked off his feet by Geralt.

"get up." Geralt demands. "from this point forward till we finish, I'm your enemy. I'm trying to rob you. All you have is your dagger, and your skills." he runs Jaskier through as he takes a step back. "take me down. I'll go easy on you"

"I don't need you to go easy on me" Jaskier rolls his eyes.

And so, they begin to spar, mostly Geralt just pushing Jaskier around. Eventually, Jaskier blocks Geralt's 'gentle' punch, twisting his arm and pushing the witcher to the ground quickly. He pants, sweating heavily and let's go of Geralt after he realises what he'd just done.

"you made a mistake. You dropped your dagger." Geralt picks it up after standing. "let's say you're outnumbered, if you drop your weapon to deal with one person, you're just going to be as vulnerable as you were in the beginning."

Jaskier wipes forehead, hair sticky from the sweat. "

"at least I blocked you for once." Jaskier grins. "I can officially say I beat the witcher"

Geralt rolls his eyes, huffing out a small chuckle. "sure."

"lets get back to Ciri before she gets herself in trouble or something. Kids always get in sticky situations, and I have no idea how" Jaskier tells Geralt, "are you sure you went easy on me? I'm feeling pretty sore"

"I thought you didn't need me to go easy on you." Geralt smirks at the bard.

"oh yeah, yeah. Shuddup."

Geralt fondly pats Jaskiers back. "you did good. Even if I beat you most of the time."

"personally I thought I did better than good" Jaskier puts a hand on his chest as they walk. "I kept up with you"

"I think we've already established that if I didn't want you to keep up, you wouldn't." Geralt raises an eyebrow.

Jaskier hums, "I might make a song about how I beat the mighty witcher, his face into the dirt and how he was pretty roughed up after I gave him a lesson."

"I will not hesistate to kill you if I hear a word of a ballad like that."

Jaskier puts his hands up, laughing nervously. 

They make it to the Inn, and Jaskier notices his Geralt's steps become faster as they both see Ciri talking to a tavern girl, who worked for the tavern that was connected to the inn.

"Ciri" Geralt says, and puts his hand out for her to take, she tightly grabs his hand. 

"oh! Witcher! I had no idea this was your child." The tavern girl smiles nervously. 

"dont ever touch her again." He glares at her. 

"Geralt.. Calm down" Ciri mutters. "she was just trying to help. I asked where you were when I found you had left." 

"don't talk to strangers, Cirilla." He scolds her as well. 

Ciri groans, "yes sir.." 

Jaskier ruffles Ciri's hair. "he's just looking out for you. Want to ride on my back while we go to the market?" 

"yeah!" she smiles at Jaskier brightly. 

Geralt stares at Jaskier for a moment. "be careful with her. Don't let her fall." He warns. 

Jaskier nods, and bends down, letting Ciri climb onto his shoulders, holding onto her legs tightly just to make sure she doesn't fall. 

They make their way to the market, "what do we Need, Geralt?" He askes, looking around. 

"I need mother Leviathan poison, I'm going to douse my sword in it." He looks around. "it's expensive, the cheapest I've ever purchased it was 250 gold" 

"for poison?! I could live an entire year on that much gold." Jaskiers eyes widen. "where do we get this stuff?" 

"a mage or a stand of creatures." Geralt mutters, grabbing Jaskiers arm and pulling him through the crowd to a stall in the corner of the market. 

"mother leviathan posion" the witcher demands to the stallkeep. 

"764 gold." The man demands. "I almost died getting that posion, it ain't gonna be cheap" 

"400." Geralt tries. "that's all I have" 

"no can do, my life isn't worth 400" 

"oh, and your life is worth 764 gold?" Jaskier stands in front of Geralt. "I have riches as high as the sky, if you give us the poison now, I assure you will have the same amount." he lies. 

The man laughs at Jaskier. "I'm no idiot, bard. With what you're wearing you can barely pass as a noble."

"ah, at least I tried." Jaskier shrugs, looking at Geralt. "how about 417 gold and 300 silver?" 

"you have yourself a deal." The man nods. 

Jaskier empties his coin pocket of 17 gold, and 300 silver, while Geralt takes out his 400 gold he's collected over the last couple of contracts. 

The man passes over a large vial of a lake green liquid. Geralt puts it in Jaskiers satchel bag. 

"what now?" Jaskier askes, looking at Geralt.

"chum. Lots of it." he grunts. 

"aye, aye, captain, let's go get that chum"

The day passes quickly, only the occasional annoyance and disturbance of someone trying to pick a fight, but they get what they need, and the sun starts setting. 

"take Ciri back to the Inn. I'm going to go fight this thing" Geralt cracks his stiff neck and clenches his fists. 

"i-" 

"no, Jaskier. You cannot come along. Someone needs to look after her" He huffs, leaning closer to Jaskier to whisper in his ear. "I've been sensing magic from her and her room. Ciri is special, but this is sorcereress magic. There are a lot of people that want the princess, watch her like your life depends on it or I swear to god, Jaskier—" he pulls back, and stares the bard in the eyes. " your life _will_ depend on it."

Jaskier gulps, and nods, smiling. "don't die, okay? I'm not really ready to be a parent if you don't come back and I'm left to look after her."

Geralt grunts, and walks away. Jaskier frowns, and starts making his way to Inn. He makes jokes with Ciri, laughs with her, and talks constantly to make sure she doesn't notice something is up.

Geralt cared about this girl more than anything, he sees that. He literally just threatened Jaskier on behalf of Ciri. 

As much as he knows Geralt would never actually hurt Jaskier, the threat still scared him. It was sudden, and he didn't expect it.

If he wasn't so shocked, he would have made a quip and laughed it off. 

He snaps out of his thoughts as Ciri askes to be put down, and he bends down to let her get off. As she leaves his shoulders, he ignores the sore numbness from her weight and takes her inside of the tavern, and orders her a hot meal with his left over silver. As she eats, she pauses half way, and meets Jaskiers eyes. 

"I.. You spent the last of your sliver on me.. Im sorry" She pushes her plate forward for him to eat the rest.

Jaskier chuckles and shakes his head, pushing the plate back. "now now, you're a child, you need it more than I do. How about I play a song for you and the people, and we can go get you ready for a bath?"

"do you even have that money...?"

"ah, I'll pay the inn back by playing them songs, I do it all the time." he grabs his lute, and stands. "stay here, and don't leave out of my sight."

He walks around the tavern, singing, and playing his lute cheerfully, the people joining in, in soon time. Speaking of time, it seems he had lost himself, and let his eyes wander away from the Princess.

He stopped the song midway, swearing and cursing in elder as Ciri was no longer where he left her, and ignoring the booing of the people, he runs into the Inn, down the hall, and to her room. He knocks, and when he gets no reply, he panics.

He pushes himself against the door until it busts open, just to find the room empty. 

His heart is pounding painfully against his chest as he runs out of the Inn, and yells her name. He needed to find her before Geralt came back from the job.

Fuck, he was going to be in so much trouble. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geralt comes back and finds Jaskier... And a group of people, looking for Ciri.
> 
> He's furious. Livid. 
> 
> He says things he doesn't mean, in the spur of the moment.
> 
> Jaskier, while upset, keeps looking for Ciri.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry (not really)

As Geralt steps foot back into the town, with the leviathan's heart in his bloody hand, he ignores the looks he receives from the towns people.

He decides to immediately take the fresh heart to the man who said he would pay him for it, and gets his pay. Its a rich amount of gold and silver, and Geralt feels satisfied that he'll be able to get Ciri a present for her up coming birthday, that she wouldn't shut up about, giving him not so subtle hints to a outfit made for travel and combat from a tailor in the market.

He would buy it tomorrow, before they left for town, and give it to her on her birthday.

As he walks, he thinks about how he never truly understands how humans celebrated their birth, and how they're one year closer to being old and watching the young make the same mistakes they did. 

But he dismisses it, snapping out of his thoughts as he finds himself halfway to the Inn, when there's a stranger yelling Cirilla's name. And another.

"what business do you have with Ciri?" He askes, eyebrows knitting together.

"a pal of ours asked for our help to look for her. Said to not tell the white wolf witcher—"

"dumbass, that's the witcher!" the other man hits the drunken one up the head. "I'm so sorry, sir. We're looking for her all over town."

"where is Jaskier?" he clenches his fists, gritting his teeth, and practically growling out the words.

* * *

Jaskier looked in every nook and craany he came across, and couldn't find the child. Fear was bubbling in his blood, he was sure Geralt would be back any minute now, and he still didn't find Ciri.

He came across a group of men earlier who had heard him calling the girls name and offered to help, kindly. He accepted, and said if she was found, he would treat them all to a free round of beer tankards on him 

He didn't have that money to do so, but it was a motivator no less. It even got the drunks involved. 

He found himself halfway across town from the Inn calling Ciris name, and curses himself as he shivers from the cold, the sun had fully set, and he was sure it was around midnight now. 

He still didn't give up. He couldn't. 

Even without the threat that Geralt had given him about Ciris safety, he cared for the girl. She was innocent, and didn't deserve to suffer more than she already has. 

But of course, like the beer with the drunks, the threat was a good motivator for Jaskier.

While calling Ciri's name down an alley, he feels his collar grabbed, and he's roughly pushed up against a wall, heavy arm pushing against his throat. Jaskiers eyes widen as he makes eye contact with Geralt.

The witcher eyes spoke a million different emotions. Anger. Disappointment. Fear. He could go on.

"Geralt.." He rasps, and pushes against the witcher.

"I told you not to lose her!" He yells at the bard, pulling him away from the wall, and pushing him to the floor. 

"I didn't mean to!" Jaskier coughs, slowly standing. "I told her I would sing for her and the patrons of the tavern while she ate, and then she was gone!"

"you lost her because you were singing?!" Geralt scowls, "I swear to god, if she isn't found by sunrise, I will not only break your lute, but your throat and bones as well."

Jaskier puts a hand on his throat and whimpers slightly, huffs. "well, the rough housing sure isn't helping find her. I have people all over the town–"

"that's enough from you! First you intrude into my life, Ciris life, again, after I didn't come find you! Second, you insist on following us, and thirdly, you endanger my daughter?!"

Geralt takes a step towards the bard. "Jaskier, you can't get a fucking clue, can you? If I wanted to find you, to see you again, I would have easily. You're a fool, and just bring trouble with you. I didn't want to see you again"

Jaskier clenches his fists. "I... That's fair." he mumbles. "let's just find her, and you won't see me again."

"you better hope I don't." Geralt takes out a small vial from his pouch, and drinks the contents quickly; his pupils dilating till the whites of his eyes were no more, his senses much more alert, and aware.

His ears twitch as he tries to listen for Ciri, her heart beat, her breathing, the blood in her veins, anything. She wasn't near by, he knew that for sure. Growling, Geralt grabs Jaskier and goes to the well in the centre of the town. He tosses a gold into the well, and focuses on who he wants to see in the reflection. 

"Triss." He mutters. "please"

"Geralt..?" he hears her voice faintly, and he could see her in the water.

"Triss. I need your help. this moron has lost Ciri."

"do you have anything of hers that still has her scent?" She askes softly.

Geralt looks around on his own being, and shakes his head. Jaskier pulls off a bracelet made of string and hay she had given him, and hands it over to the Witcher; who snatches it.

"she made this. I smell her on this." Geralt shows it to the water.

"you're going to need to put a tracking spell on it. Repeat after me" she slowly starts speaking Elder, muttering a spell of some sorts.

Geralt repeats it, and he suddenly has a pull towards the path that leads out of town. 

"thank you, Triss. You're a life saver." he blinks, and his eyes are back to normal. "I have a feeling its a couple days of travel to get her. I'll get back in contact when I can and tell you how it goes."

"good luck, Geralt." She says, before the water is normal water once more.

"am I..?" Jaskier starts, hesitantly.

"you're coming. Because this sorceress that has her is probably going to want something in exchange." Geralt glares at Jaskier, but falters slightly when he sees the hidden hurt in the bards eyes. He shakes his head, grabbing the bard with a bruising grip once more, and dragging him to the stables.

He pets Roach, and apologies for disturbing her sleep as he mounts her. He grunts, making a gesture for Jaskier to get on the mare as well. It was going to be a long trip, even longer if Jaskier was going to be walking. The bard slowly gets on, and grabs onto Geralt slightly, and gently. If the witcher senses weren't enhanced, he probably wouldn't have noticed how the terrified bard gripped onto him.

They ride quick and smooth, trying to get there as soon as possible, but once Geralt found he couldn't even keep his eyes open anymore, and how Roach was getting tired, he pulled to a stop near the edge of a forest, and set up his bedroll, and a fire. 

As he was going to bed, he notices how Jaskier sits next to the fire to stay warm, putting his hands near it, before laying down on the grass. The fool had probably forgotten his bedroll in the Inn.

If he wasn't still pissed at the bard, he would have offered, begrudgingly, for them to cuddle to stay warm. But this would be punishment for losing Ciri.

Every time he thinks about it, he just wants to beat the bard to a pulp, the absolute fool, losing his daughter because he wanted to sing. 

He finds himself gripping so tight against the bed rolls blanket, that it makes a small taring noise. 

Jaskier glances at him. "I really am sorry." he sighs. "I knew there was a sorceress, but Ciri told me she was kind, and nice."

"you _knew?_ " Geralt sits up, "that really isn't helping your case, Jaskier." he growls.

"I know, I just.. You're always keeping a tight hold on the girl—"

"for her safety."

" _sure_. But she felt suffocated and I could tell. I just wanted her to relax."

The witcher is quiet for a moment. "what would you know about it? " He huffs. "y'know what, I don't care, we need to rest."

"my father was an abusive asshole who wouldn't let my mother out of his sight." Jaskier mutters. "I told my mother to leave us, for her own well being. And she did. I haven't seen her since, but at least I know she's safe. I didn't want for Ciri to feel like she was trapped, and that she couldn't think for herself, like my mother."

Geralt closes his eyes. Jaskier barely opened up about his past, despite being the most talkative person on the continent. 

He was livid, still, but he felt slightly guilty. 

Jaskier had a point. He was paranoid about Ciris safety after finding her in the forest, he just wanted her happy. Maybe the bard had good intentions, but it just exploded in everyone's faces. 

"I said I don't care, your sob story isn't a excuse." He grunts out. "sleep before I knock you out myself."

Jaskier is quiet, eyes closed, but the rise of his chest uneven, and his shoulders tense. 

He knew the bard wouldn't sleep that night. 

* * *

When Geralt wakes up, he finds some berries in a small bowl next to him, and Jaskier feeding Roach some oats, talking to the mare ever so quietly. 

He eats the berries, and imagines he doesn't hear the growl of Jaskiers own Stomach. Jaskier was a fool to not get himself some food, and he wouldn't be responsible for him and he would not pester him to eat. If the bard fainted, it would be a good chance to leave him.

Geralt grunts, and opens his water flask, and takes a sip, he waits for Jaskier to finish feeding roach (packing his bedroll while he does) and then getting on the mare, and helping Jaskier on slightly.

They keep going, passing a couple inn's, and small villages. Another day passes, and things are still stiff between Jaskier and Geralt. He wouldn't find himself apologising for anything he said, he meant it, he thinks.

He forces the bard to have a share of his berries by the third day, but gives him the rotten and mush ones. It wasn't personal. Maybe it was.

But they eventually make it to sorcereress' Town.

And Geralt gets a small twinge of agitation after finding out this is where Fringilla Vigo lives, the only sorcereress in the entire area. And he immediately smells Ciri, and hears her too if he focuses enough.

_"please let me go. I'm not—"_

_"child, please, what I want is you, and the witcher."_

Geralt growls, and behind him on roach, Jaskier jumps.

"I suppose its nothing good, then?" Jaskier tilts his head.

"no. It's a trap." he hops off roach, and ties her to the post.

"so, what's the plan?" the bard gets off Roach as well.

"send you in, I sneak in, take Ciri, and get out." Geralt explains.

"and what if she attacks me?" He mutters.

"good riddance." He pushes past Jaskier and walks forward.

"oh."

As they approach the house, they see Ciri tied up through the curtained windows, and Fringilla pacing infront of her. 

"I'm going to round the house, see if there's another way in. You knock." Geralt orders, sneaking around the small building.

Jaskier builds up the courage and knocks firmly against the wood door, and invites himself in moments later.

"Jaskier!" Ciri yells, and Fringilla looks at him, squinting.

"you're Jaskier, aye?"

"that's me.." he chuckles nervously. "so you've heard of me." he stalls.

"where there's a witchers pet, there's a witcher." she looks around, a small smirk on her face. "come out, Geralt of Rivia."

The door in the back is kicked open, and Jaskier slowly inches closer to Ciri as the sorceress' attention is on Geralt. He rushes to untie the small girl.

"ah! There's my favourite witcher. Welcome to my abode. Must feel like home for you, with the two people you love the most in one room."

"one out of two." Geralt grits his teeth. "Yennefer isn't here."

Jaskiet feels his heart drop, but focuses on untying the girl. 

"on the contrary," Fringilla starts. "after such a massive, chaotic attack that took out my entire fleet by only one mage, yennefer, I made it my mission to find her. And I did. She should be here in...3..2..1"

As she says, a portal appears, and yennefer walks through the portal.

"Geralt. Bard. Child. And... Fringilla. I felt a sudden pull to come here. I suppose that's your doing, Fringilla. What do you want?" Yennefer asked immediately.

"I want you all to join forces with me. With all of you, we'll be powerful, we can take down temeria, and rebuild Cintra and nilfgaard even more powerful than before." she crosses her arms.

"not intrested" Yennefer rolls her eyes.

"me neither" Ciri mutters.

And Geralt grunts, supposedly agreeing with the child and the mage. 

Fringilla lands her eyes on Jaskier, who finally finished untying Ciri.

She suddenly uses a spell to pull him close to her, and putting her sharp nails to his neck. "or maybe I can force you to obey. You will help me or this.. Bard...Will die."

Yennefer makes eye contact with Geralt, and nods. She pops a portal underneath Jaskier, and one on top of Geralt, making Jaskier fall through the roof into Geralts arms. The witcher drops the bard, drawing his sword, and getting ready to slice the sorceress before she disappeares into thick black smoke. 

All hit sword hits is the puff of smoke, he grunts, and looks around. "she's gone." he states, before rushing to Ciri, who was rubbing her wrists that were red with rope burn. 

"dad!" she cries, and Geralt freezes. She had never called him that before. She hugs him as he kneels down to her height to check on her, and he hugs back, rubbing her back slowly and gently.

"I'm so sorry" He tells her. "I shouldnt have left you with Jaskier"

He picks her up in his arms, cradling her in his chest as Jaskier approachs, but backs off once seeing Geralt rock hard glare. He looked absolutely ready to kill Jaskier. 

And the bard wouldn't blame him. 

He looks at Yennefer, "thanks, you really saved my ass."

"as much as I despise you, I know you're important to Geralt." She shrugs.

"no.. I.. Im really not." he looks away. "where are you going now?"

"back to my hiding spot. I need to rest, for a long time, I used so much chaos that my body is taking a slow beating."

"do you want assistance with anything?" Geralt speaks forward to her. "I need to repay you for helping us out of this mess."

"let's just say you owe me, for a special day that I may need help. Goodbye, Geralt." she smirks at him, before making a small portal, and stepping through.

* * *

They began to make their way to an Inn, and eventually Ciri had begged Jaskier to carry her instead on his shoulders. When Ciri begged, Geralt couldn't say no to her and her puppy eyes. He slowly helps her onto Jaskiers shoulders, and once secure, grips tightly on Jaskier for a moment.

"make sure she doesn't fall or get lost again." He huffs, before letting go of Jaskier, and crossing his arms.

The bard rolls his eyes. "everything is well now, I don't get why you're still mad"

"because, even if I sweeped up your fucking mistake, it still happened. I have no more trust for you with her" he says, voice low.

Jaskier tares his eyes away from Geralt. "what you said back in—"

"I meant it."

Jaskier huffs, and Geralt could tell he wanted to talk about it more later. As they made it to the Inn, Geralt buys a room with two beds. As they enter, Ciri hops onto the bed closest to the floor, and Geralt takes the other. Jaskier stands there, awkward and unsure. Does he join Geralt in bed?

No. No. They had just argued.

He sighs, and sits next to the warm fireplace. When he's sure Ciri is finally asleep, he speaks to the witcher.

"you didnt mean it." he sighs. "you were just mad. You didn't come find me because the amulet and the war—"

"excuses, Jaskier. I still have the damn amulet, you think I would lose something like that?"

"where is it then?" he persists. "show me."

Geralt grabs his satchel bag from the floor, and pulls it out of the bag, throwing it on the floor next to Jaskier.

Jaskier frowns. "that's just great, isn't it? I spend a entire year looking for you through rumours and contacts when you could have just told me where you were."

"did I not fucking tell you I didn't want you around?! I didn't want _you_!" he yells, and Ciri twists and turns in her bed.

Jaskier looks more hurt than ever, but he knows Geralt is just lashing out because he was worried for the child. Once this all blows over, he was sure the witcher would do his attempt at an apology.

Jaskier slept with his back to the warm bricks of the fire place, but when he awakens, he finds himself in Geralts bed. 

He would have been sure Ciri and Geralt had left him, if he didn't see Ciri drawing in the corner of the room with a small quill and a loose piece of paper. 

"where's Geralt?" he askes, yawning. He gets off the bed, and grabs his spare clothes to go change in the wash room.

"he's getting stuff from the market. Told me to keep an eye on you."

"ah,okay" he goes to change, and comes back out in his new clothes. "have you eaten?"

"I had an apple for breakfast. Do you want one?" She looks up at him, smiling.

"yeah, I'm starving." he takes the apple she passes, and bites into it. "thank you. I'm sorry you got taken, I just wanted to sing a song for you"

"she tricked me. She said Geralt needed help and to leave you behind." Ciri looks sour. "I should have listened to you when you said don't trust her."

Jaskier nods slowly, and stretches out the stitch in his left arm.

"it's not your fault. I should have stayed with you"

"you wanted to cheer me up!" she cries suddenly. "its not fair Geralts blaming it all on you"

"howdoyouknowthat?" he squeaks, he thought she was asleep yesterday when they talked.

"I'm not an idiot, Jaskier. This morning I had to force him to move you to his bed, when I found you were sleeping next to the fire place." she crosses her arms. "I don't want you guys to stop being more than friends because of me"

Jaskier pets her hair gently. "I'm sure Geralt is just mad that I lost you. He'll get over it soon enough"

"but he keeps hurting you about it.." She frowns, suddenly hugging Jaskier.

"hey, now, don't cry. I'm fine. He hasn't hurt me, he never raised his hand against me."

As she pulls away, he grabs his lute. "let me sing you a small song I had written about Geralt, I never gave this one to the public, so it's just between us, okay?"

He slowly strums a melody, humming along with it gently, and finally singing the lyrics. The song was about how Geralt was heroic, how he saved the folks, but how he saved Jaskier and stole his heart. Of course, he tweaked the facts a little to make it a much more exciting story, but it was one of his favourite little projects of his.

At the end, Ciri claps, grinning. "Geralt really did all that?"

"ah...so and so" He shrugs. "but basically. That's why I stick by him, because I love him, okay? Even if I'm scared, Geralt is worth the adventures, and the heart ache. Because I know he'll never really hurt me, and if he did, it was either a mistake, or I did something to really piss him off" he rambles.

Geralt steps into the room, and he eyes Jaskier and Ciri, before sighing. "I bought those pastries you two like so much." he passes the custard dessert to Jaskier, and the cinnamon one to Ciri. "and uh, Happy birthday, Ciri." He tells the girl.

"its your birthday?" Jaskier grins. "we must sing a song about you to celebrate! I'll make one up quickly."

"no- no song" Geralt pinches his nose. "just.. I know this isn't much, pastries, and staying in a run down Inn, but I promise next year I will try to make it better. In the meantime, I have a gift for you."

Ciri's eyes will with excitement and joy as Geralt pulls out that travel outfit she wanted. She hugs him almost immediately, as soon as she sees it. Jaskier smiles at the two. She really made Geralt soft.

"can I ask for one more thing?" She mutters,

"anything, Princess" Geralt pulls away from the hug.

"be nice to Jaskier." she inclines her head in Jaskiers direction.

"... I am nice to him." he mutters. "don't worry, me and him will sort things out soon enough."

Jaskier grins. "yeah, what he said, kid. Plus, even if Geralt hated me, I'd stick around just to keep you company" He starts tickling Ciri.

Geralt couldn't say he didn't like the sight in front of Him. Jaskier playing with Ciri, and she looked happier than ever. As he stands, he notices the flinch from Jaskier, and how Ciris eyes follow him. He pushes down the guilt inside him from extracting such a reaction from the bard. He walks into the wash room, and draws a warm bath. He really needed to relax.

Jaskier follows him in, hesitant slightly, "allow me to bathe you." it wasn't a question, but more of a statement.

Geralt grunts, and gets into the bath, muscles automatically relaxing. Jaskier tosses in salt, and some red and white tulip petals. He rounds the bath, and begins to wash at Geralt hair gently, rolling up his sleeves.

Just as he was about to walk away to get the bucket to pour water over the witchers head, Geralt grabs his wrist as stares intensely at his arm.

"uh.. Geralt?" He tilts his head. "what's up?" he tries to look around his own arm.

"is this arm in pain for you? A sting of any sort?"

Jaskier pulls his arm back to himself. His arm did sting, he wouldn't lie. But he couldn't tell Geralt. He already made things complicated with Ciri, and plus, He was sure the white wolf didn't really care.

"no." He rolls his eyes. "I'm fine. Let me bathe you" He grabs the bucket full of water, and pours it over Geralt head.

"there's a curse on your arm." Geralt grunts. "but if it's not doing anything, then Fringilla did it wrong. Tell me if it hurts, okay?"

"I thought you didn't care" Jaskier sasses, finishing with Geralts hair and scrubbing at the dirt on his body.

"hm." Geralt closes his eyes once more. "I'm just mad, I don't want you dead."

"well, it sounded like you did yesterday, and the days before that while we were travelling to come here." He lifts Geralts arm and puts a bit of salve on a wound he had probably gotten from that Leviathan from a couple days back.

"You can't blame me. You lost my daughter."

"but she's fine now. Unscathed. And I'm hurt." he mutters. "you hurt me."

"don't be dramatic." Geralt rolls his eyes.

"Geralt, I don't know if you've noticed, but you've destroyed our relationship. You said things that I'm not letting go like before." 

"if I had lost your child, you would be equally as mad at me." Geralt clenches his fists, and unclenches them slowly. 

"maybe, but I would hear you out, and I would not lash out at you as you did at me." Jaskier replies steadily. "I'm not going to leave you and Ciri, even if I am a burden enough as it is, I'm not allowing that child to lose someone else" 

"let's just focus on keeping Ciri happy today." Geralt meets Jaskiers eyes for the first time in a while, and actually looks at the bard. 

He looked tired.

Jaskier finishes scrubbing Geralt down, "im done. You can get out now." He tells the witcher. 

"im going to go help Ciri put on that new outfit you got for her. It has a lot of strings and I can already imagine her giving up in frustration" Jaskier smirks.

He leaves the washroom, and Geralt stands, grabbing the long loincloth and drying himself slowly. 

He puts on his tunic, and pants, tying his shoelaces before leaving the washroom to go see Ciri and Jaskier. 

They're ready, and chatting softly together. Once she sees Geralt, Ciri rushes to him, and grabs his hand.

"I want to go for a walk with you two" she smiles. "when I lived in the Palace, I would always have fancy birthdays, but all I really want now is just to spend time with you two."

Geralt nods and ruffles her hair, still holding her hand. She grabs Jaskiers hand, and they begin to leave the Inn, Jaskier suddenly piping up about any sort of story.

And so, they went into town. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple of moons pass, things are stiff between Geralt and Jaskier before the witcher can no longer bare the guilt. He tries to apologise, but ends up hurting the bard more, and when Jaskier finally snaps back saying some hurtful things, he's upset too.
> 
> Ciri notices the tension after this, and says they both need to relax. 
> 
> Jaskiers arm gets worse.

Moons pass since the return of Cirilla, and Geralt still finds the atmosphere between Jaskier and him tense and stiff, and as he looks back on what he says, his stomach twists and turns. His throat is impossibly tight, and when Jaskier returns into the room, it feels like he might stop breathing.

Earlier, geralt had spent the entire time in the tavern with Ciri, as Jaskier played for the people, and song he had apparently composed recently. It went something along the lines of a woman begging for forgiveness even though she did nothing wrong. Of course, the bard would summarise it much more poetic, but Geralt couldn't care less.

The part of the evening in the tavern that really sent Geralt the reminder that he had really hurt Jaskier is when the bard doesn't return to the booth with Geralt and Ciri, but sits at the bar next to a blonde man who had been eyeing the bard with nothing but lust in his eyes.

The flush of jealously and the need to pull Jaskier to him and growl angrily at the man for even thinking about it, started to overwhelm him. 

Until he smelt Jaskier, not his actual lavender, lily of the valley smell, but his emotions. Usually, fear was the most potent smell. Then he smelt what Jaskier wanted, it was odd, and felt sad. But it wasn't sadness. It was Want. The want for affection.

He realises why Jaskier feels like that, and why he no longer had the right to be jealous when Jaskier approached a woman or another man. 

Recalling his words, he even winced at them mentally. He didn't hold back. And none of it was true.

When Ciri, in front of him, askes why he wasn't eating; he says he wasn't hungry, and pushes his plate to her (which she eats hungrily). As he keep staring at the bard and his new friend, he seemed to drift off, and only snapped back into reality when Jaskier came back to the booth.

"thanks a lot, Geralt. Your glare into his head prevented me from getting a good lay, because, and I qoute, 'i don't want to get a sword at my neck after'" Jaskier pouts, leaning his head into his hand.

Geralt let's out a snort of amusement, and drinks from his tankard of ale.

"I don't get how you can be jealous when you hate me" Jaskier mutters.

Geralt looks at Jaskier. "I don't... Im not jealous"

"oh sure, old man." he pats Geralts arm, hesitant. 

Geralt grunts, and stands, suddenly. He tells Ciri to come to their room immediately after she finishes eating, and no exceptions. He leaves the bard and the girl, and that's what brings him back to the present.

Rethinking everything in their room till Jaskier walks in, holding a very tired princess. Geralt watches as he lays her down on her bed, and tucks her in gently.

He grabs onto Jaskier before the man can walk away to go sleep next to the fire Place as he's done all the other nights. 

"Geralt?" he whispers quietly as Geralt pulls him somewhat close.

"I uh.." Geralt finds himself flushed, and somewhat embarrassed. "you cannot lay with another person"

"and why not? What we had is done. And to be honest, I haven't had sex in two years—"

"I don't.. What we had doesn't have to be done." He tries, He never really was the best with his words.

"oh, shall I remind you of what you said to me that crushed all hope of us?" Jaskier finds himself glaring at the witcher. "I don't want _you_ , Jaskier." he imitates, trying to sound funny, but it came out fragile. 

But he does. He wanted Jaskier in his arms so much it hurt.

Before he can open his mouth again, Jaskier pulls his arm away from Geralt, ready to leave.

"I'm going to go find that man from the bar. He actually talked to me with some respect" He huffs.

Anger flares in Geralt, he just wanted to apologise, and things weren't going his way. Fuck. 

"respect? I doubt he'll give you that when he finds out you're nothing but a whore who sings and wants a lay" He snarls, clenching his hands.

Jaskiers hand stops at the handle of the door, he looks at Geralt, hurt, but he was done just letting Geralt hurl verbal abuse at him whenever something he didn't want happened. He wasn't always to blame. And he was sick of it. 

"what do you care, witchers aren't supposed to feel, you- you fucking mutant! You're an abnormality to nature, hell, its a curse that you even exist!" He yells at Geralt, and ignores how the witcher falters slightly, and grits his teeth. 

Both adults are dragged out of their fight when they hear a whimper, and realise how Ciri was awake, and was curled up in her bed, pressing her hands to her ears. Jaskier rushes to her side, and so does Geralt. 

"hey, hey, Baby girl" Jaskier starts. 

"it's okay, it's okay.." Geralt mumbles. "I'm sorry. We shouldn't have fought with you in the room" 

Ciri cries, "you shouldn't have fought at all" 

Jaskier suddenly takes Geralts hand gently. "look, everything is okay now. You know me and Geralt have our little... Fits of banter together"

"holding hands doesn't mean everything is okay" She mumbles.

"okay, I..uh.." Jaskier frowns. "Geralt, I am very sorry—"

"talk! About your feelings, the both of you!" she demands "the more you ignore them, the more things get worse"

Jaskier meets Geralts eyes and sighs. "everything you said hurt me. And I shouldn't have called you a mutant. I was sick of being called names, so I just hurled a name back to you. I know you can feel.. I've seen you feel. You used to love me."

Geralt feels like his heart clenches. "I still do love you"

"then why did you say every thing you did?" Jaskier glances at Ciri, who was watching them talk intensely.

"I was mad. And disappointed. And worried."

"so what? Every time your mad, or whatever, I have to have my feelings hurt? You always release all of your pent up emotions on me"

"who am I supposed to release it on, Jaskier? The child?" Geralt presses, gesturing to Ciri.

"why are you getting defensive? I'm just.. Im talking it out like Ciri advised" Jaskier crosses his arms. "if I didnt know any better, I'd say you were scared of your own feelings."

"maybe I am, Jask" Geralt frowns, looking away, "I never felt anything but hate and anger, and then suddenly Yennefer and you walk into my life, along with Ciri, and I feel multiple different things. I have gone life times with no problems like these"

"Geralt, I know new things are terrifying, but that's why you have to learn to live with it. Accept it." Jaskier tries, "and when you're feeling the need to release, you can always come to me, talk to me, instead of pinning everything on me and attack me like it's my fault. I admit I shouldn't have left Ciri to sing, but I wanted to cheer her up and get the coin to pay for a warm bath for her."

"I.." Geralt bites his lip. He needed to apologise, now or never. If he didn't, Jaskier would take it personally. "I'm sorry, Jaskier. You're right."

"that's a first. I'm going to treasure those words that just came out of your mouth," the bard smirks, "so, you don't think im a whore? Or a burden?"

"no, no. You're neither, I assure you." He grabs Jaskier and pulls him closer to him "and what about me? Am I a non feeling mutant?"

"no, you're the most feeling mutant ever" Jaskier grins, before looking at Ciri. "everything is fine, happy now?"

Ciri nods excitedly, and jumps onto Jaskier and Geralt, hugging them.

_What a sight, a happy ending. Too bad soon enough you'll be dead weight once more. Just wait, the witcher will truly get sick of you, and so will the child._

Jaskier winces slightly as his cursed arm begins to sting more than before. He shakes his head, ignoring the words that seemed to appear out of nowhere into his mind.

The pain was starting to become unbearable, he leaves the embrace suddenly, saying something about needing to use the washroom or whatever, he was too focused on his arm to really realise what he said. 

He rushes into the wash room, and closes the door behind him, locking it for safe measure. He strips of his tunic and shirt, and looks at himself in the vanity. 

Oh fuck. 

Around his shoulder was turning a dark purple, spots of absolute dark patches on the purple. He touches it, and hisses in pain, pulling his hand away from it. It was spreading down his arm slowly.

He couldn't tell Geralt or Ciri.

_Dead weight._

Jaskier shakes his head, and puts some salve on the purple, pushing through the sting to completely cover it in salve.

He slowly puts his shirt back on, but doesn't put on his tunic, he didn't need the extra tightness around his arm. 

He leaves the wash room, to see Geralt finally putting Ciri asleep after the long day. He gets ready to go to the fire place as he's done to sleep for the last several nights before Geralt grabs him and leads him to his bed.

"rest with me tonight. I've found myself.. Wanting your presence more than once." He lays Jaskier down before climbing into the bed too.

"You could just say you've missed me?" Jaskier smirks. "or are you too tough for that?"

"I'm afraid I'm too tough" He huffs out a laugh at Jaskier, playing with the bards hair gently.

"if you're so tough then.." He leans closer to Geralt, and places his lips, kissing, on the witchers neck, right below his ear, before leaning up and whispering. "how do I know how to get you so red so quick?"

He pulls away from the witchers neck, and behold, a flushed Geralt, redder than a rose in spring. 

"personally, I think that's a record. The most I've ever made someone that red was when I pissed off this ginger lass at a brothel, she turned as bright as a tomato, but you're redder than that,and so quick" he rambles.

"Jaskier.."

"that also leads me to explaining what I was doing in that brothel, I wasnt looking for sex, I find better lays at taverns than at a disease risk whore house. Apparently one of the women from the tavern I had laid with had a sister at the brothel and wanted me to go pay her—"

" Jaskier.."

" so I paid her, but I didn't use her services, just helping out a pal, and then the ginger rounds me and says I'm looking— hmph!"

Finally, blessed silence. Achieved by the butcher of blaviken by resting his lips on the bards.

Jaskier leaned into the kiss gently. He had honestly expected Geralt to be a rough kisser, but he was soft, and loving. Geralt pulls away, bringing Jaskier to his chest.

"Jaskier."

"yes..?"

"sleep."

"ah, uh, okay, good, uh, right away. Just give me a moment. Better get into the zone. Can you just ah... Move you arm here" He takes Geralts arm and wraps it more comfortably around his body. "okay, good night."

"rest well."

When Jaskier awakens, he finds he's alone this time. The room is empty, but warm. There's a note by the bedside, which he grabs tenderly.

'went to the market. Cirilla is with me. Rest.

-G'

Jaskier smiles at the note, mentally noting how the ink was fresh, so they probably wouldn't be back for a while. He grabs his lute, and sits cross legged on the bed, playing softly, and trying to compose a new song. 

"and when the sun fell..she still loved him" he frowns, "no. No. That's horrible" 

He clears his throat, and does a bit of vocal practice to get his voice ready before he starts playing again, 

".. even the King of the men, called for their end. Oh, the king, how he suffered through the heart ache of love and time." he sings softly, he didn't know how he exactly wanted the song to go. 

He trips up on the cords, his fingers numb suddenly, and his arm hurting unbearably. He carefully puts his lute to the side, and rushes to the vanity, pulling his shirt down to look at his shoulder. It didn't look any better.

Maybe he should tell Geralt, he didn't really want to die. 

No- no. He cannot cause anymore trouble for him. He shakes his head, grabbing his coin pouch carefully, gripping onto his aching arm. He needed to find the healer in this town.

He rushes out of the Inn, and goes to one of the tavern girls. 

"wheres the nearest healer?" Jaskier mutters, slightly out of breath already. 

"down the path, in the tower."

"thank you, my dear!" he exclaims, making his way to the tower quickly and praying he doesn't see Geralt on the way. 

He eventually makes it to the tower, no interupptions, most of the towns people had backed away from him believing he carried a plague or some sort of disease. 

He swiftly enters the tower, and the healer drops a vial from their workbench in surprise. She looks at Jaskier, and squints at him. She sighs, and makes a gesture for him to sit. 

He sits, and removes his shirt with slight struggle. "name your price. Just get rid of this"

The healer looks at it for a moment. "this isn't anything I've ever seen before. It looks magical. A power sorceress put this curse on you. It looks as if she's drawing your life force to control chaos and preform some spells."

Jaskier gulps nervously. "so you can't help me?" 

"I can give you something that can prevent her for a bit, but it won't stop her completely" she nods, going to her desk and grabbing another vial, passing it to Jaskier. 

"can I get more than this?" Jaskier stares at the tiny bottle in surprise. 

"it's hard to make this, you ungrateful bard. 200 silver." She demands. 

Jaskier takes out 200 silver from his coin pouch, passing it over, before drinking the contents of the vial, and his arm pain becoming a light sting rather than constant throbbing. Jaskier sags in relief, and thanks the healer, before leaving. 

"Jaskier?" he hears a familiar voice say. 

"aye... Geralt.." He says nervously. "I just uh.." 

"why where you with the healer?" 

"why are you coming to the healer, is the real question!" Jaskier questions. 

"I wanted to grab some supplies before we left for another contract. Some bandages and so." Geralt explains, he takes a step forward towards the bard. "are you okay?" 

Jaskier bites his lip, he couldn't tell Geralt. 

"I'm fine." he lies smoothly, letting a smile slip onto his face. "just a splinter from some wood. Wanted to remove it for good" 

"hm." Geralt stares at him for a long time as if he could tell he was lying, Ciri steps out from behind Geralt and looks at Jaskier, eyes wide and a suddenly smile on her face. 

She exclaims Jaskiers name, and practically hops onto him. 

The bard hugs the girl back, ruffling her hair. He makes eye contact with Geralts piercing eyes and gives him a reassuring smile.

* * *

"argh, I can't believe we're going to be on the road for days and you won't even let me ride on roach." Jaskier exclaims as he walks down a path besides Roach, and his mounted friends.

"there's no space for you, Jaskier" Geralt rolls his eyes. "unless you'd like to take your chances of getting kicked off Roachs arse, be my guest."

"roach-y would never do that to me, would you girl?" Jaskier says in a sing song baby voice, about to touch the mare.

"don't touch Roach."

Jaskier pulls his hand away, pouting. "maybe I should get my own horse"

"roach chose me when I was doing a contract. You don't choose your ride. They choose you" Geralt pets Roachs side gently.

"maybe a mule would be better suited for you, they're dumb as well" the witcher smirks at Jaskier.

Jaskier gasps dramatically, putting a hand on his chest. "I am very smart, thank you very much!"

"yes, yes, brightest mind of the century" Geralt remembers Jaskiers words with a fond expression.

"Geralt.. Ciri looks tuckered out, we should take a break" Jaskier gestures to the sleepy girl, who's eyes widen as she begins to disagree.

"no! I'm fine! Let's keep moving!"

"it's getting dark anyways, don't worry." Geralt reassures her. He pulls on Roachs reins gently to tell the horse to stop. The witcher gets off the mare, and helps Ciri off as well.

"I'll grab some sticks and some wood to make a fire." Jaskier states, "you and Ciri can start making the tents"

"oh fun! I get to try out that tent technique you showed me before!" Ciri looks at Geralt with wide eyes.

Jaskier walks around the near by trees, grabbing fallen branches and some sticks; making sure they weren't damp before bringing them up and letting Geralt start the fire.

Jaskier puts his hands near the fire, rubbing them gently, trying to attract more warmth. He notices Ciri humming a familiar tune, so, he takes out his lute, and strums along, gently singing the song she was humming; practically entrancing her to fall asleep.

Despite the little girl asleep, he keeps playing, and softly singing. Only stopping when he yawns, and feels to tired to continue. He puts his lute back in its case, and approaches Geralt who was already tucked into the bed roll. Lifting up the blanket, he slides in with the witcher, and doesn't pull back when he feels large hands slide underneath his shirt to his chest, pulling him closer.

The fire began to grow damp, and the onle sound that could be heard was breathing and crickets. Jaskier was so close to the witcher it felt like he could feel him breathing, he could certainly hear the grumble in his chest when he does. 

"Jaskier."

The bard's eyes meet yellow ones.

"Geralt?"

"why didn't you tell me?"

Jaskier suddenly becomes aware how Geralt hand was on his slightly swollen shoulder. He gives Geralt a look of faux confusion, until the white wolf pulls down his shirt to expose his cursed shoulder and arm. 

Jaskier fake gasps. "oh no... How did that happen?" He tries, and sighs in defeat when the witcher gives him a stern look.

"You lied to me about it hurting." Geralt says, firm, with worry in his tone.

"I didn't want to worry you. We have so much on our plate as it is and I really—"

"when did you care about worrying me?" Geralt stares at Jaskiers blue eyes, trying to find the answer. And then he remembers. Everything he said. "oh."

"no- don't say oh. It's just—"

"fuck." Geralt sits up. "I thought you knew I didn't mean any of it."

Jaskier sits up as well, sighing. "I know you didn't, and that's what's so frustrating, it still hurts."

"but why?" Geralt looked confused.

"I.. I cant explain it. Its just the fact you said everything you did. When a person is so angry, they tend to speak their mind. I didn't want to be a further burden upon you."

"Jaskier. I- we can talk about this later. Does this not hurt?" He makes a gesture to the bards arm.

"I got a vial from the healer to stop the process, kind of. I think it's going to ware off soon enough, though."

"hm. We need the help of a sorceress—"

"don't you dare say—"

"Yennefer" 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They rest, and find Yennefer. They ask Yennefer to watch after Ciri for them for a while. Yennefer helps, but offers them advice.
> 
> Jaskier and Geralt face Vigo. 
> 
> Destiny, unfortunately, takes a life, and someone is left to grieve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry.

"Yennefer." Geralt states, and doesn't say more when Jaskier groans in annoyance. "She'll help, why do you distaste that?"

"I feel like she thinks I'm an ant compared to all of you. Just cause I don't have some weird magic in my viens— ah, no offense." He tells Geralt honestly.

"I think you two just need to get to know each other. She has a past too, Jaskier"

Jaskier huffs, and gives Geralt a small nod.

Geralt finds himself overwhelmed with the feeling of showing Jaskier he truly loved him. 

He cups the bards cheek gently, and let's a smile curl on his lips when Jaskier leans into his touch. Jaskier puts his arms around Geralt, cuddling him. He felt secure. Geralt lifts up the fur blanket to cover the both of them.

"we'll make search for Yen at first light." Geralt mutters. "I don't suppose it will take long, because of the djinn, her and I are connected."

"hm" Jaskier says, sleepy. "I think I'm supposed to be jealous but I'm genuinely too tired to even show it" he mutters.

Geralt chuckles, and soon enough, Jaskier is snoozing off on his chest. Geralt stares down at Jaskier, and frowns as he catches another glimpse of his cursed arm.

He would make Fringilla pay.

That, he vows.

* * *

Morning comes soon enough, and the group is off again, on the track to find Yennefer. Jaskier pretends his arm doesn't hurt, hiding his winces and trying to hold onto it gently to put some support on it. 

Jaskier hadn't used his lute all day, and he seemed pretty upset about it, pouting and complaining about anything to release his feelings.

Eventually, they take a break by a stream at Ciris demand, and while Geralt made sure there were no drowners in the stream so Ciri could bathe safely, Jaskier took a seat on a large rock, taking out his lute, and trying to ignore the pain on his arm so he could play. 

Unfortunately, that plan didn't exactly work out. Geralt watches as Jaskier huffs in frustration as his fingers won't even move, numb. 

He takes the lute from Jaskier, sitting next to him. The bard looks confused for a moment.

"are you considering becoming a bard?" Jaskier asks, smirking at his own joke.

"you hold the cords with your good arm, I'll strum for you." Geralt tells him, ignoring the comment.

Jaskier grins at Geralt, holding the down the strings on certain frets, bridging his fingers in a way anyone who hasn't played would find uncomfortable, and guides the witcher on how to strum.

Soon enough, they're playing the lute, a couple mishaps every now and then, but they were playing nonetheless. Jaskier started humming a song under his breath, it sounded like a lullaby.

Ciri finishes bathing at the stream, drying herself off, and changing out of sight of the two adults, and finally coming towards them when clean and ready. 

Geralt stops strumming, putting the lute in its case and back in Jaskiers back, nodding. "let's get moving."

* * *

A week practically passes when they finally make it Yennefer. Jaskier is in worse condition from when they started, Fringilla suddenly using more of his energy to control some sort of choas.

When they find Yen, Jaskier faints on the spot, as if sure he could finally relax. Geralt rushes to pick him up, and Yen looks startled. Ciri had concern and worry written all over her face, and all the while, Geralt tried to stay calm and collected; really.

But he let his emotions slip when he demands at Yennefer to help, holding a injured Jaskier in his arms protectively.

Violet eyes meet his golden amber ones, and she sighs, nodding, inviting them into her current place of living.

It seemed temporary, Yen never did like staying in one place too long. Brought trouble.

Jaskier is gently laid down on Yennefers bed, and the sorcereress removes his shirt, passing it to Geralt. Half naked, Jaskier still seemed hot and disgruntled, twisting and turning in his unconscious state.

"i can stop the process temporarily, but there's nothing I can do that could stop the curse. You need to get to Fringilla, with Jaskier, and demand she removes the curse."

"she won't do it." Geralt grunts.

"no, of course not, not without a price." Yennefer rolls her eyes. "I figured you were smart enough to figure that out. You must ask what she wants."

"she wants Ciri, and I'd die before I let her touch her." Geralt growls, glancing at Ciri who was holding Jaskiers hand in worry.

"well, you have to figure something out before Jaskier's arm need to be amputated, or worse, he dies." Yen huffs.

"you like him." Geralt raises an eyebrow, sounding surprised.

"he may be annoying, but he's innocent, and keeps you in line." She begins to make a vial of a potion to help with Jaskiers pain.

"it's more like I keep him in line" Geralt defends. "but you're right. He's innocent"

"indeed. When he awakens, and gets sufficient rest and energy, I will make you both a portal to go to Fringilla immediately."

"I distaste portals but.. Fine. you have to look after Crillia." Geralt tells her. "im not taking my girl to see this sorceress"

Yennefer meets eyes with Ciri, who gives her a gentle smile.

"fine, only because I want to teach the girl a thing or two." She smiles back at Ciri, fond.

Ciri approached Yennefer shyly, talking to the sorceress, Yennefer replies softly, a gentle smile on her face.

As they talk, Geralt watches them, glad they got along. 

It doesn't take long before Jaskier awakens, presumably from a nightmare, Geralt assumes, by the way he sits up suddenly, gripping his cursed arm tightly, gasping. 

* * *

_When Jaskier was unconscious, in his dream._

He was sitting in a field, he felt younger. He felt safe, secure.

Home. 

He looks at the women sitting next to him, she was making a flower crown, humming a familiar song. Jaskier had a strange feeling of nostalgia.

She puts the flower crown on his head.

"Julian." She says. "I love you so much" 

Jaskier smiles at her. "mama" He mutters, leaning against her. "I love you too—" 

"you have to fight, my love." 

"what..? Ma' what do you mean?" He askes softly, grabbing her hands.

"she wants you to join me." His mother says ominously.

"who? Where are you?" his eyes are wide.

"in paradise, Julian" She cups his cheek. "the mage wants to use you, and you will join me"

"paradise? Ma? Ma!" he yells as suddenly the flowers begin to die and his mother fades into nothing.

Jaskier looks around, "mama! Ma!" He yells into the field, that had suddenly gotten darker.

"personally, I don't think you and I look related. I don't remember birthing a bard." Fringilla suddenly appears. "she spoke out of hand, I give her a chance to talk to you, and she wastes it warning you."

"what did you do to my ma?!" Jaskier snarls at the sorceress.

"your mother is dead, Bard, she died a long long time ago" She tells him. "and soon you will be too. Your witcher will waste his time trying to save you. And then I'll have him in my grasp. It's already written in destiny's books."

Jaskier gulps. "leave Geralt out of this." He snaps at her. "why can't you just leave us alone!" it wasn't much of a question as it was a statement.

"I am fulfilling destiny. Starting with you."

"I don't want to die" Jaskier spills out, hugging himself tightly.

"lives need to be lost for Nilfgaard" She sighs. "but trust me, no one will miss a bard such as yourself."

Jaskier doesn't reply, gulping.

"it looks like our time is up, little sacrifice." Fringilla looks at him, eyes half lidded. "I'll see you soon"

* * *

When Jaskier awakes from his nightmare, Geralt is immediately by his side. The witcher wears a face of concern and worry as Jaskier sobs.

"mama.." Jaskier mutters, closing his eyes tightly.

"Jaskier, its okay. You're okay." Geralt assures him, gripping his hand tightly.

Jaskier slowly opens his eyes, he meets Geralts eyes. "we cannot go to face Fringilla, she—"

"she can break the curse" Geralt dismisses him. "you have to trust me. I'm going to make sure your arm is going to be okay."

"she won't do it willingly, Geralt! I cant make you sacrifice something in price of me" He insists.

"Vigo wants us." Ciri speaks up. "she wants me, and Geralt, and Yen. And she wants to use you to get to us. Blackmail us"

"smart gal." Yennefer pats Ciris head. "she's right. When Fringilla Vigo wants something, she won't stop till she gets it. We need to trick her."

"so what? Give up ourselves willingly? She'll known something isnt right." Ciri looks up at the powerful lady of Vengerberg.

Jaskier keeps his eyes on Geralt, pressing his lips into a thin line. 

_Your witcher will waste his time trying to save you. And then I'll have him in my grasp._

He recalls her words, evil, yet said so tenderly. 

"I need to tell you something that Fringilla said to me.. In uh, my dream." Jaskier admits, looking at Geralt as if it was the last time he would see his witcher, before looking away. 

"go ahead." Geralt encourages. 

"She said I _will_ die— that it's already written in destiny's books. And then she'll have you in her grasp after." 

Silence. 

It's thick, and tense.

"lies" Ciri mutters. "it must be."

"even so, geralt cant risk it— i won't let you" Jaskier insists, looking at Geralt once more.

"so what? I'm supposed to let you die?!" Geralt snaps, baring his teeth heavily.

"i-"

"don't. Im going to her with or without you. And even if you tell me not to." Geralt steps away from his side, adjusting his armour straps.

Jaskier pushes himself off the bed quickly, gripping his arm. 

"good gods, wait! I'll come with you. I cannot let you walk into this trap alone. If I'm going to die, i want to be near you"

Despite how accepting he sounded of his possible death, Jaskier was truly terrified. He never really thought about the afterlife. And he didn't expect to think about it so soon.

Geralt opens and closes his mouth at Jaskier, nodding silently. Ciri rushes to Jaskier, hugging him tightly before hugging Geralt as well.

As Ciri pulls away, Yennefer summons a portal to Fringillas location, with ease. Almost as if Fringilla was inviting them with open arms.

"stay safe, boys." She tells them. "I want both of you back in one piece. Or at least alive."

Jaskier nods, smiling at Yennefer, and Geralt gives her a swift nod. 

The witcher pushes Jaskier through the portal, and steps through himself moments later. He immediately heard Jaskiers chattering teeth before he felt the cold on his skin.

Geralt wasn't immune to the cold, but he could handle it better than a human. He takes off his cloak, and wraps it around the bard. The witcher takes a look around, and notes how they were on a snowy plain, nothing but grass and snow for miles.

"Fringilla!" He yells, demanding for her presence to be known.

"Gods, if I don't die from this curse, I sure will die from this cold." Jaskier mutters, rolling his eyes. "honestly, was Yennefer sure this is where Fringilla is— ah!" He stops talking as his arm stings again, gripping it tighter.

"shut up, Jaskier." Geralt tells the bard, but the worry for Jaskier was evident in his voice despite his words.

Fringilla steps into sight, wearing a cloak similar that to Geralts, but she seemed warm.

"sacrifice, rabbit, hello" She greet the two of them. 

Geralt dismisses how she calls him a rabbit (a metaphor, it seems, as a rabbit falls to a wolfs trap) and steps forward. 

"Undo your curse on my bard." He demands. 

"oh, that curse? It won't be a simple thing to undo." her expression is cool and neutral.

"what do you want?" He gets straight to the point.

"help." She meets his eyes. "help me fulfill Nilfgaards destiny. Give me the child. Give me you."

"unfortunately, neither Geralt or Ciri are up for sale." Jaskier glares at her.

"I supposed so. How about this.." she smirks. "I'm willing to negotiate."

"hm, more like you have to unless you want a sword to your throat." Geralt huffs. "I suppose you want a new host for your curse?"

"smart, witcher!" Her eyes darken. "smart. You're right. Honestly, I would keep Jaskier. I'm surprised by how long he's survived with the curse. It's a dangerous one. I suspect he doesn't have much life in him now."

Geralt grits his teeth and clenches his jaw. 

"fix his arm, undo the curse and you'll have someone." He lies through his teeth.

"I'm no fool. I could just let Jaskier die and finish the spell I've been trying to do instead of starting all over again"

"he dies, you die" Geralt says calmly.

"fine." She huffs. "how about I make this simple. Im not letting the curse go"

Geralt sighs, drawing his sword, and getting ready to fight her. Jaskier takes a couple steps back, having a feeling this would be a messy fight, and he was quite injured as it is. Fringilla grips her cloak tightly, sudden magic flowing into the snowy ground, and making the snow underneath Geralt black. He slides away from the poisonous snow, ready to rush forward to attack her.

Fringilla kept her distance, using magic to attack at a distance, and finally, Geralt had enough. He draws his sword back, throwing it at the sorceress, and as she dodges it, letting her magic stop for a moment; he tackles her roughly, rolling with her into the snow. He readies his fist, bringing his hand to her face in an instance, and winces slightly when her hands grab into him, and magic flows into his body, hurting him. He continues his attack on her, not showing any mercy, when he was sure she was close to falling unconscious, his bloody fist stops when Jaskier screams in pain. 

"what did you do?" He hisses at her.

She spits the blood in her mouth into his face, laughing. "I just used the curse to bound my pain to him. You hurt me, you hurt him!" she holds up a pendant Jaskier had gotten him on their journey to find Yennefer. She must have gotten it while he beat her.

He rushes off her, and to Jaskiers side; feeling as if she was immobile for a while. He checks the bards pulse, and lets out a sigh in relief as his heart is still beating just fine.

He hears footsteps, before hes knocked out from behind.

Fuck.

Everything goes black.

* * *

When Geralt awakens, He's tied to Jaskier, and the bard is tied to him. They're on the floor in some sort of cottage. 

Fringilla wasn't in the room, and on a table across the room, he saw his sword, and the pendant Jaskier was bound to. 

If he could just get it. 

"Jask?" said he, "awake, Bard" He demands.

Jaskier grunts, and his eyes slowly open. "Geralt, ow, what happened? Is my arm okay now?"

"not quite. Fringilla has captured us."

"ah- well, do your witchering, witcher. Get us out of this situation" He looks around.

"let's stand together. I need to reach my sword" Geralt tries to stand, but falls back on his bottom as Jaskier didn't get up in time.

"oh- now? Uh, okay. Three.. Two...one." Jaskier and Geralt slowly get up together.

They wobble their way across the room to Geralts sword, and the witcher struggles to grab it slightly, before getting it fully in his grasp. He brings the blade up against the rope, and cuts his rope before cutting off Jaskiers. 

"my pendant! Why does she have it?" Jaskier grabs it.

Geralt grabs it out of his hand suddenly, before stomping on it.

"hey! If you didn't like it you could have just told me, where have your manners gone?" Jaskier's eyes widen.

"I'll get you a new one. Shush" He shushes the bard.

Jaskier closes his mouth, sighing heavily through his nose.

"stay behind me." Geralt goes to the door of the room, slowly opening it.

There, in the middle of the room, Fringilla sat, three bowls surrounding her, and her eyes are rolled back as if she's in the middle of casting—

Jaskier grabs his arm tightly, and Geralt can hear his Heart beat harder, he bites his lips as he tries to keep in the hiss of pain. He leans against the wall, for support, pale. 

The curse. Fuck, she was finishing it. She was going to use Jaskiers life to..

Reverse time. 

Of course. To reverse Nilfgaards fall when Yennefer let her choas roam through. When the war was stopped. After him and Jaskier had separated, so he wouldn't even know if Jaskier was dead or not in this new time line.

Geralt lifts his sword, about to attack her, when something pushes him again the wooden wall roughly. Her choas.

He tries to push the force, glancing at Jaskier. His bard looked minutes away from death, fuck, no, he couldn't even focus on the fact that Geralt was being pushed against the wall, he was fighting for his own life.

He needed to help himself. 

Geralt grips tighter on his sword, taking a vial out of his pouch, and drinking it quickly. His pupils dilate to the whites of his eyes, and his strength is increased. With a heavy heave, Geralt pushes himself forward, and finally catches his footing. He steps forward towards her again, keeping his feet planted heavily as the mage chanted loudly, and the force got harder.

Geralt growls, pushing himself further, and finally reaching her. He grabs her shoulder roughly, and pulls her. He raises his sword, and draws it to her neck. He sees her eyes snap back to normal before opening her mouth to speak.

"you lost your chance at mercy, Vigo" He speaks heavily and gruff, interuppting her. He slits her throat with the sword, and her blood spills.

He hears Jaskier catch his breath, and tries to feel the bards heart. 

It's weak. 

Shit. 

He rushes to Jaskier, kneeling next to the man leaning against the wall, panting heavily to catch his breath. 

"G.." He gulps. "Geralt." He slowly takes Geralts hand. "I can't."

"save your breathe. Yennefer knows when I need her, she'll make a portal any minute now—"

Jaskier sobs, crying. "I don't want to die." he closes his eyes, "I can't feel my arm. My—" he gasps. "I hurt, Geralt."

Geralt frowns, cupping Jaskiers cheek. "Jask— you'll be okay. I got you. Focus on breathing. Please. Fight." He finds himself begging. "I did everything right. I killed her, why aren't you okay?"

"it's too late." He hears a familiar voice, and a small sob from a child. Yennefer and Ciri.

"fuck off!" He yells. "help him! He can't die!"

Yennefer approachs slowly, and Ciri keeps her distance, almost frozen in shock. 

Yennefer drags her hand to Jaskiers chest, to his heart. 

"he can't keep fighting, Geralt." She mutters. "this is torture. Worse. His body can't handle this."

Jaskier whimpers, opening his eyes slowly. Geralt doesn't look away from his blue eyes. They've lost their shine.

"heal him, Sorceress." He hiss at her.

"this is out of my hands, Geralt—"

"FUCKING HEAL HIM. EVEN IF IT COSTS YOU YOUR LIFE." He yells, snapping. He hears Cirilla cry, and Yennefer squints at him. 

"and so what? When I bring him back, you mourn for me, and isolate yourself. If I don't, you mourn him, and isolate yourself. The outcome is the same. He is human, and his body can't hold this any more. Even if I save him now, Fringilla took so much of his life that he'd probably die next year."

"Geralt.." Jaskier chokes, "it's okay." he doesn't stop crying, but there's a small smile on his face. "I'm okay now.." he says weakly. "my hero. I love you" 

"Julian.." Geralt bites his lips.

Jaskier slowly hums, coughing every now and then. He sings softly, smiling, and Geralt listens as his heart begins to beat slower. 

"The red sky at dawn is giving a warning, you fool... Better stay out of sight. I'm weak my love, and I am wanting.." He brings his good hand up to brush Geralts hair out of his face.   
"If this is the path I must trudge... I welcome my sentence" he heaves out a heavy cough, blood building up in his throat.

His heart stops. 

Geralt feels as if his own heart drops, he brings Jaskiers hand up to his lips, and for the first time in years, let's tears slip out.

"I'm so sorry, Jaskier.." he mutters.

Geralt feels Yennefers hand come to his back, rubbing it gently Ciri approaches, and hugs Geralt gently. 

"he loved me. And he's gone now." Geralt mutters, "I never got to say it back. That I love him"

Geralts feels like his heart clenches tightly, and Yennefer sighs.

"we should bury him. We can make a tombstone, carve his name." She suggests.

"not near here." Geralt shakes his head. "the coast. He wanted to go the coast a couple years back. He never got to go" 

"of course, Geralt." She mutters. "pick him up, I'll make a portal to the coast, we can bury him near there"

Geralt lifts Jaskier up gently, carrying him like a damsel in distress. His body was cold, and his lips were blue. Ciri leans up, and closed the bards eyes gently. He looked at peace.

Yennefer makes a portal, and they step through. He sees the sun over the water, and the air was cold.

"I'll go get a shovel from the town down the path, hold still" She orders, leaving quickly.

Ciri grabs onto Geralts shirt, her eyes red from crying.

"he said I wouldn't lose him" She mutters.

"he didn't know." Geralt stares at her, giving her a reassuring smile, pain in his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"is there anyway we can..?"

"no, no. Bringing someone back from death would cost a life. Equivalent exchange" Geralt closes his eyes, his mortality holding him back from finding the nearest human around Jaskiers age and slaughtering them to bring his bard back.

They stand in silence, waiting for Yennefer to come back. She arrives with two shovels, and gives a brisk nod.

Geralt gently puts Jaskier down while he helped Yennefer dig a grave. And then, they put Jaskier inside gently. They couldn't afford a coffin, those were often left for nobles and royalty, and if Geralt had the money, he would definitely get Jaskier one. 

The cover the sand back onto the bard, and Geralt stabs his sword heavily into the sand, away from Jaskiers body, to mark this is where he was buried till they got him a tomb. 

"I'm going to go find a rock, and start carving." Geralt gruffly speaks, leaving quickly.

Yennefer and Ciri look at each other, and sigh heavily in unison.

"is he going to be okay?" Ciri askes gently.

"Honestly? No. Give him time, and he'll open up again. Him and I have lived a long, long time. This isn't the first time he's lost someone important to him"

Ciri nods. "is this all life is? Live, and then die?"

Yennefer stares at Ciri, and she kneels down to the girls level.

"no." she frowns. "you live, survive.." she pauses, "and make the best out of what you have, and then make your peace. Some of us.. Unfortunately do not get the pleasure of living till we're old and grey. But that's why you make sure every one of your experiences are good"

Ciri gulps, and nods, giving Yen a weak smile. She hugs the sorceress tightly. "I miss him already."

"I know." She rubs her back. "I know."

Geralt comes back not too soon, and withdraws his sword, putting down the tomb.

'Jaskier. Loved bard'

It wasn't much, but Geralt as a man for few words, and he was sure if Jaskier was alive to choose his own tomb in his will, it would be a dramatic poem on the stone instead. 

But this would have to do. 

The three sat down in the coast, quiet. It was empty, and seemed to not get any visitors. That was good, no one would disturb Jaskiers grave. 

Fuck..

Geralt puts his head in his hands, but doesn't cry. He's shed his tears, now he was pissed. At himself. He should have done something sooner.

He remembers all the times they fought, how he hurled curses to his love. How Jaskier still hurt even after he apologised. He should have done so much more. 

And in the end, the bard had still loved him. 

Geralt just wishes he was here so he could tell him that he did too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple more chapters after this one. I'm, again, so sorry.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time passes.
> 
> Geralt does not move on. Ciri lives with Yennefer now, and he is alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm playing witcher 3: wild hunt and I can officially say i like the franchise even more

"are you sure?" Yennefer tilts her head, they were talking outside of Ciris room, who was asleep; tucked in tightly.

Geralt grunts, giving Yennefer a slow nod.

"okay, fine, I'll look after her, mentor her, feed her. But you are her father, she'll feel abandoned"

"it's for her own good. Anyone who seems to step a foot into my life, dies."

"i don't think I'm dead, and I've known you for years, decades even" Yennefer raises an eyebrow. "Jaskier—"

"don't." Geralt turns around, "Im leaving, now, so I can make it to the next town by morning."

"no good bye for Cirilla?" Yen askes softly. "its been a year, Geralt. She still misses him, and if you leave like this, she'll think anyone she cares about will leave her."

"I know how to communicate through magic. I'll find my ways to contact you and I shall talk to her." He adjusts his cloak on his body.

"fine." she frowns. "you're getting reckless." she makes a gesture to Geralts injured arm.

"hm." Geralt grunts.

"for the love of God, look after yourself. He wouldnt have wanted that" She puts a hand on his shoulder.

"goodbye, Yennefer of Vengerberg." He leaves the Inn, and goes to the stables; putting his saddle back on the horse.

He rides through the night, not pushing Roach too much, because she just awoke when he took her out of the stables. 

He makes it to the next town by morning, and finds an Inn, but doesn't sleep. He never sleeps anymore, not unless his body forces him too. 

He can't sleep. 

He dreams about Jaskier. His singing. His laughter. His eyes. How he misses him.

If it wasn't about Jaskier, it would be a nightmare. He would lose Ciri next, then yennefer, and then he would die. 

He takes a room at the Inn, but doesnt rest. He finds Roach a stable, and let's her rest in there, before going to find his contract.

He slays the creature. Gets his pay. 

And then repeat, in a different town. 

* * *

A dry gasp, and sand fills his throat. He finds himself digging, his nails and fingers hurting after finally reaching the surface just for water to splash in his face. 

The coast.

He looks at the hole he was buried in, and then at the tomb above it. 

Jaskier. Loved bard. 

Jaskier squints, confused, he slowly gets up, and finds himself walking down a path. He's on a town before he knows it. 

A old lady sees him and takes pity, she takes him to her home, gets him her passed husbands clothes, and offers to draw him a bath. She says she needs the company anyways when Jaskier says she's too nice. He bathes, and changes into the big clothes of a dead man, but wasn't he a dead man, he awoke from a grave. 

Never mind that, when he walks out of the washroom, he finds the woman had made dinner, and gave him a small wooden bowl full of rabbit stew. 

He eats, and thanks her gratefully.

The next morning, when he awakes in her house, she gives him some gold and some silver, and tells him to be safe. 

He hugs her, and smiles, before making his way through the town.

He needed to find...who?

It was at the tip of his tongue.

Geralt ...?

Yen..?

Ciri...or was it Fiona..?

He doesn't know who any of these people are, but feels like he should.

Moons pass, and he's at another town. He has the off chance of someone offering him to play a lute; saying something about wasn't he a bard?

He takes the lute, and plays it. He finds the strings familiar, and his fingers are calloused as if they've played for decades.

The person says he's a natural, and can keep the crappy lute.

At least he can make some coins like this, now. 

* * *

Geralt finds himself in a new town, this year, he can sleep, his dreams are nothing but black now; and he can't quite place wether that's good or bad.

Two years since Jaskier had died. 

Apparently, his songs were more popular than ever, for some reason. 

So when he's in a tavern, and hears someone singing 'toss a coin to your witcher' he doesn't immediately look at the person singing to see, to hope, if it was Jaskier.

It never was. 

It was nearing Jaskiers death anniversary, which meant he would make his way to the coast.

As he nears the town next to the coast Jaskier was buried, he's stopped by a guard there, and the man tells Geralt some interesting information.

Someone was looking for him, Yen and Ciri.

Apparently the person said he didn't remember anything but their names. 

"His name?" Askes he, to the gaurd.

"never asked the fool, figured he was insane to be looking for you, a witcher, Yennefer, a powerful sorcereress, and a dead princess of a fallen kingdom. So I thought not his name was of importantance."

"hm..he'll find me if he really needs me. I'm here on personal matters." He tells the gaurds, "not taking any contracts, tell the people. I don't want to be bothered." He grips Roachs reins tightly.

The gaurd nods, and leaves Geralt be. The witcher finds an Inn, and gets a room. He askes for oats for Roach out back, and a warm bath to be drawn.

As he walks to the tavern, the innkeep preparing his bath, he gets a tankard of ale, and drinks. His attention is caught by a woman describing a boy that she had taken under her roof as pity. Said he remembered nothing and appeared by the coast. A miracle she called it. A prophet sent by the gods who rose from the sand and the waters, she had said. 

Geralt knew there was no such thing, but inquired. 

"what did this..miracle look like?" He has no doubt its a beast. 

"brown short hair.." She tells him, "blue eyes, tan-ish, as if he's ventured far and wide. Human; im sure, witcher. So don't get the wrong idea" 

Geralt grunts. "I'm not here for work. Just curious." 

"he was sweet, and tried to refuse my coin when I offered. A noble young man, he was" 

Geralt finishes his tankard of ale, and begins to go to his bath, taking in the scent of lavender and chamomile.

When he walks into the washroom, he thinks he sees Jaskier preparing his bath with salt and all. But when he does a double take, it's a woman.

"I didn't ask for you." He tells her.

"the innkeep asked for me to do this for you in exchange for a job."

"no. I refuse. You can leave." he sighs.

"it's serious, the entire town is being harassed by a truly cruel beast—"

"I said no!" He yells. "get out!" 

The woman flinches, and rushes out. Geralt rubs his face, and sighs heavily. He undressed and steps into the warm bath, scrubbing himself and washing his hair.

As he finishes his bath, he leaves the washroom. Sunset, as planned. He would go see Jaskiers grave now. Finally. 

He dresses in a tunic and loose pants, keeping his armour in the room. He tightens his boots to keep sand out of his toes and heads to the coast. 

He plans to sit next to the grave, talk to Jaskier, but more so to himself.

So you must imagine his surprise when he sees the grave open as if climbed out of, not dug up. That dismisses grave robbers.

His fists clench, knuckles white to the skin as his bone press up.

Fuck. 

A boy from the sand and water, brown hair, blue eyes. A miracle. 

Jaskier?

No— no. He was just hoping it would be.

Jaskier was dead, he reminds himself. He finds himself heading back to the town from the coast, and askes if the creature they wanted him to slay took bodies from graves.

They say no, so it wasn't the monster. 

He contacts Yennefer, through magic, he sees her in the reflection of his mirror. 

"Geralt?" 

"I think Jaskier is alive." he begins. 

"what?" Yennefer huffs. "we've been over this, Geralt.. He's dead. We buried him" 

"his body is gone. And his grave was climbed out of, not dug up" He informs. 

Yennefer is quiet for a moment. "humans don't just come back from the dead, Geralt."

"Did the curse on Jaskier have any side effects?" he grits his teeth. 

"the curse was to reverse time through a life, but Fringilla never finished it—" Yen suddenly stops in her words, eyes wide. 

"Yen? What is it?" Geralt asked quickly. 

"unfinished curses can have repercussions, if this was a reverse spell through death, it could be possible Jaskier died, and the spell took back two years; from now. When he was alive. Fringilla meant to reverse time by two years to before Nilfgaards fall." she explains. "but it didn't reverse time, it reversed Jaskier. To when he was alive, and his body is probably younger now. Hell, Geralt, it could be possible you passed him in town" 

"wait— wait, there's one thing I don't understand, why did the curse wait two years ahead till it brought him back?" 

"I don't know, Geralt." She admits, almost bitterly. "destiny wanted to torture us."

"Hm" Geralt slowly sighs. "i got news from a guard that someone was looking for us. Possibly Jaskier. I dismissed it at the time, thinking it was someone looking for a job"

"shall I tell Ciri?" Yennefer's facial expression soften. 

"no— not until its confirmed its him." he shakes his head. "I'm going to go look for Jaskier. Maybe he hasn't left town yet." he stands., "Bye, Yen" 

"good luck, Geralt." 

And so, he rushes out of the Inn once more, asking around for the coast boy, and his heart drops when he finds out the supposed miracle had left the town a day prior. 

Jaskier could be two towns over by now. 

He takes to Roach, almost immediately, putting on his armour and leaving the town, galloping towards the next town as fast as he could, hoping he could make it there by tomorrow morning. 

He takes in mind that Jaskier is probably younger looking, probably by a few years, because of the curse. So it might be difficult to place the bard, but he swore to himself at that thought. He could recognise his Jaskier from miles away. Especially with the bards fashion he wore. 

But he had no idea if Jaskier, in his current state of confusion, could even afford the bright coloured fashion. 

He makes it to the next town by morning, and pets Roach as she's absolutely tuckered out. He ties her to a post and let's her rest as he askes around about Jaskier, describing his description as well as he could. 

Hours later, he begins to tire from the same old answer, that they hadn't seen him, and if they did, what business did he have with the bard. 

Until he happens upon a musician in a tavern, and he tells him he did see a man that looked like Jaskier. 

He said he gave the boy his lute, telling the witcher it was crap and the boy played it better than him anyways. When asked if he knew where Jaskier was now, the man shrugs.

"saw him only a couple hours ago. I told him about the dukes ball, and said he should make way there if he wants good coin quickly.." 

Geralt takes a chance, waste time at the dukes to see if Jaskier is there, or leave for the next town. He goes to the dukes. 

When arriving at the dukes, he has to fight the gaurds to get in, knocking them out after saying he had to pay to get a audience with him. 

He walks the halls of the dukes house, and when he hears lute playing in the distance, his steps pick up quickly. 

Words are stuck in his throat as he practically breaks the door down walking into the room. 

He sees the back of a man, brown hair, shorter slightly by an inch or so from the last time he had seen Jaskier, wearing a loose white doublet with puffy sleeves, and tight trousers with a poor man's shoes at his feet. 

The man is playing the lute, and singing. He hasn't noticed Geralt, as if intranced by his own singing. Only stopping when the Duke clears his throat and looks expectedly at Geralt, as if asking why he as here. 

Geralt slowly approaches the bard, and his slow beating heart speeds up slightly as he meets eyes with blue ones. 

"Jaskier." He says, voice quiet for once, a rumble in his chest.

"ah, do I happen to know you?" he askes, raising an eyebrow.

"i—"

"the butcher of blaviken! The white wolf! What brings Geralt of Rivia to my ground?" The Duke speaks up.

"Geralt?" Jaskiers head whips around to look at him again. "I know your name"

"pardon me, your grace" Jaskier tells the Duke, grabbing Geralt and walking out of the room. "how do I know you..?"

Geralt stares at Jaskier for a good moment, suddenly grabbing the bard and pulling him forward into a tight kiss. Although shocked, Jaskier doesn't pull away. When Geralt pulls his lips off Jaskiers, he keeps eye contact, searching in Jaskiers eyes for any sort of reaction.

"Oh." Jaskier says bluntly. "I feel like I'm missing a bit of the big picture, here."

"you died. I, Yennefer and my daughter buried you two years ago." He tells Jaskier simply.

"ah, alright. I recognise the name Yennefer. I just— my apologies, my memory is a little blurry." He rubs his arm, up and down. "how am I alive, if I died?"

"I can explain over warm bread, and some ale. Its a long.. Long story, my dear bard."

"hm." Jaskier nods, smiling slyly. "I take our relationship was much more than sharing warm bread."

Geralt gives a light glare to the bard, and they begin to make their way to the tavern.

It isn't long before they're sharing some fresh bread and have a tankard of ale respectively.

"and then your heart stopped.." Geralt finishes explaining Jaskiers death to him.

"hmm, singing as my last words? I believe you. That sounds like something I'd do." He leans forward across from Geralt, hand resting on his cheek. "so, we must have had a couple great adventures, might sharing them?"

"you've already written plenty of songs about our more.. 'exciting' adventures, as you'd say" Geralt rolls his eyes.

"ah, caught me red handed. Now, uh, back on topic. Is there anyway I can remember my past? As much as I'd love a new beginning, i feel kind of.. Numb, not knowing my gracious past"

"personally, I have no idea what to do to help" Geralt admits. "but I have an idea Yennefer will. It seems she's saving your ass once more"

"are you sure I can trust this sorceress with my mind in her hands?" Jaskier askes cautiously.

"Yen.. Shes not evil. She'll help. She's looking after my daughter as we speak."

* * *

"I can't help, my apologies." Yennefer says, rushing about the room they stood, fathering her things.

"what? We came all this way for no reason?" Jaskier groans.

"it really is good to see you again, Jaskier, and I would help if I certainly could, but things have come up, and I need to leave, with Ciri; if you aren't taking her back" Yennefer stops rushing around the room to stand infront of Jaskier, putting a hand in his shoulder as she spoke.

"speaking of Ciri, where is she? I want to see her." Geralt speaks up.

"she's packing her things in her room" Yennefer goes back to packing her things into multiple saddle bags.

"come along, Jaskier." Geralt orders as he leaves Yennefers room.

Jaskier pauses for a moment, and Yennefer looks up at him, raising her eyebrow. 

"what if I.. Never get my memories back?"

"no matter, a old life, a new one, no difference. Personality is in the soul. And guessing by Geralts annoyed expression when he arrived, I'm sure you're the same"

"that's not what I'm worried about. What about my family? I know me and Geralt had a.. Relationship in the past before I died, and when I died, but what if there were people before Geralt? And what about my friends?"

"Geralt is your only friend." Yennefer squints. "I think, I'm not quite sure. You've only hung around him for a couple of decades. I have no idea about your family either, but hence, don't stress, maybe your past self told Geralt about them?" She walks to her workbench full of vials and books, she begins to pick them up.

"verily, maybe so. You have my most gracious thanks." He tells her, before turning and leaving to go find Geralt and his young Princess.

He happens upon Ciris room, and she hasn't noticed him yet, but he's sure Geralt has. The witcher is kneeling in front of the girl, holding out a necklace for her, and stroking her hair; he's speaking softer than Jaskier has ever seen him speak in the short time hes known Geralt since recently re-meeting him. He watches as Ciri puts on the necklace and hugs Geralt tightly, hands gripping tight on his back. Her eyes are closed for a moment, before she opens them again, and they widen in surprise as she finally sees Jaskier.

She points at the bard, and yells something about a ghost or a soul coming to haunt them. 

"no! No— I'm very alive" Jaskier tries to calm, but she still looks terrified for a moment, till she sees Geralt is unflinching and isn't surprised at the sight of Jaskier.

She tears up, and suddenly tackles Jaskier into a hug. 

"I thought you were dead!" she exclaims.

"apparently so" He awkwardly hugs her back.

"you cannot die ever again, understand?" She scolds, pulling away from their embrace and still staring at him in shock.

"personally, I think I'd rather avoid being in the ground again, but thank you for the mutual concern" He tells her softly.

"you look confused, why is that?"

"He doesn't remember anything, Ciri" Geralt sighs, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"hm, Cirilla, right? Or is it Fiona?" Jaskier furrows his eyebrows.

"oh, uh.. Fiona is my middle name. I use it when I'm in the hiding."

"well, I'm sure you already know me so no need for the introduction on my part, aye?"

"yes.." Ciri looks upset, and concerned, her bottom lip slightly trembling; her eyes scanning Jaskier with hurried intent. She turns and looks at Geralt. "will you be finally joining Yen and I now?"

"unfortunately not, little one. I need to get Jaskiers memories back."

"where are you and the lady of vengerberg going anyways?" Jaskier inquires.

"someone is after Yen, so we have to leave, apparently to temeria"

"big cities there, no one can attack you there without gaurds coming immediately." Geralt nods. "smart."

"or, we could accompany you and Jaskier?" Ciri fumbles with the sleeve of her cloak.

"I don't see why not—" Jaskier begins.

"I see why not" Geralt grumbles. "Yennefer is teaching you"

"I don't want to be a sorceress. I want to be a witcher, like you!"

Geralt looks slightly surprised at that, but huffs.

"Kaer Morhen..is.." He sighs. "never mind. Its out of the question, little one."

"I want to fight, I want to save people" She tells him.

"then you can be like your grandmother. Rule graciously over amazing lands, yet fight for the right of your people."

"Geralt! You know what I meant! I'm no longer the lion cub of Cintra, I'm the.. Wolf cub of....Geralt" She makes the title up on the spot. "please?"

Geralt pitches the bridge of his nose, "Cirilla"

"Geralt, why don't you want to train her?" Jaskier questions, "I don't see no fault in it"

"I don't want her to grow up to be like me" Geralt growls.

"there's nothing wrong with that" Ciri crosses her arms.

"Ciri. Enough of this. I'll consider it, but for now, you stay with Yen." He orders, standing. "I'm going to go, with Jaskier, to Triss Merigold. If Yennefer cannot help, then maybe she can"

"alright.." Ciri nods slowly. "please don't completely ignore my words. I don't want to rule a kingdom, I'm not made for it, and I don't want to be a sorceress. I want to fight"

Geralt leaves the room, Jaskier giving the young girl a nod, before following quickly. He catches up, taking a step beside the witcher.

"say, why can't Ciri be a witcher?"

Geralt grunts, and doesn't answer him.

"are we going to be on another long journey?"

"no, if I'm right, Triss should be a town over for a ball that's supposed to be thrown in a couple days. We can attend the ball, maybe you can play a jig or two, and I'll inform her about your situation. Pray she can help."

"and if she can't?" Jaskier raises an eyebrow.

"then.."

Geralt hadn't thought of that. What if no one can help Jaskier?

It would be like starting another life but you're missing your childhood and young adult years. And Jaskier had a handful of enemies in multiple towns and cities, if he waltzed into a town he was banished from, unknowing, it wouldn't turn out pretty. 

If Jaskier never gets him memories back, what happens to them? What will be of their relationship?

"Geralt?" Jaskier askes once more.

"I don't know, Jaskier. I'll figure something out."

"hm, okay. If you don't mind, if this Triss is in another town, I would like to rest and get some coin before we leave" Jaskier hums, giving Geralt a look.

"fine."

* * *

It doesn't take long to reach the next town over, and when they arrive, Jaskier insists they go to a tailor and get outfits for the ball. 

Just as Geralt was going to reject the idea, and tell the bard to just go in his current clothes, his words stop in his throat as he grips Geralts hand with warmth and excitement. 

Even if it was going to empty his coin pouch, he didn't have the heart to tell Jaskier no after seeing his face. 

And so, they began to find the nearest, and cheapest, tailor. As they enter, Jaskier demands for their measurements to be taken immediately, because they were in a rush, apparently. 

Uncomfortable with the feeling of someone measuring him, Geralt shakes his head when offered, and tells them his measurements already. He can tell Jaskier is mentally making a note of them as well. He takes a seat as Jaskier is guided to go take his measurements. When he returns, he's seemingly even more excited. 

"colours, Onyx and Davy's grey" Geralt tells the tailors, "no fancy puffy sleeves, something tight fitting yet light, as if I could combat my enemy in it if need be"

"oh! Navy blue and pink!" Jaskier clasps his hands together, "a doublet with puffy sleeves, and trousers.. Hm.. Tight fitting. Think latest bards fashion"

The tailor nervously notes all of this down, and tells them to be back late tomorrow if they can, and that he wants payment now. 

Jaskier opens his coin pouch and takes out all of his silver and gold, and as does Geralt, save the few for the Inn and a meal. 

They make their way back to the Inn, and Geralt finds himself being barely able to pay for a room, but a threat and a glare later, the room was theirs. Jaskier pulls his lute into his hands, and strums.

"go rest, Geralt. I'll come when I get enough coin for tomorrow" He informs, grinning, rushing into the tavern side of the connected Inn, and asking if there were any requests for him to play.

Geralt sighs, and goes up to their room, and lays on the bed, thinking to himself. 

He had a feeling destiny wasn't going to be pleasant with him, and destiny was going to torture them with the news that Jaskier, most likely, won't get his memories back. 

Fate hated him and those he loved. 

Geralt squeezes his eyes shut, and clenches his fists. 

It's okay. 

He would just make new memories with Jaskier, he would tell Jaskier of his old memories, or what he knew about the bard.

Good gods, he prayed triss knew how to fix this. 

* * *

" _and? Any old lovers that have made you this way?" Asked she, a teasing smile on her lips as she leaned closer to the witcher._

_Unfearing. It reminded him of Jaskier._

_"hm" He grunts, giving her a uninterested glance._

_"now, now, witcher, I happen to be able to read people really well. I know you lost someone you loved dear..." She pauses, looking him up and down, practically stripping him with her eyes. "and I know it's time you moved on"_

_"not interested, maiden" He takes a last gulp from his tankard, standing and ready to go get his pay from his completed contract._

_"wait— come now, Witcher" She stops him, "surely it wouldn't hurt you if you just, y'know.." She drags her finger up his chest to his lips, leaning close. "let loose."_

_Geralt clenches his fists, and sighs heavily. "leave me be" He takes his arm out of her hold, and begins to walk away._

_Isolated. Like he deserved to be._

_Like he will forever be._

* * *

When Geralt awakes from his dream, hes surprised to find Jaskier tucked into his arms, close to his chest, breathing softly. Geralt stares down at the bard in his arms, startled.

Him and Jaskier, since reuniting, hadn't been this close since he kissed the bard. So to find the poet this close to him, it was almost heart clenching; considering they used to always do this.

Geralt finds his hand trembling as he lifts his fingers to the bards neck, checking his pulse, despite hearing it, and seeing his chest slowly rise. 

His pulse is normal.

When the white haired man feels a hand touch his cheek, his eyes widen, meeting Jaskiers.

"im okay." He tells Geralt sleepily. 

"did I wake you?" Geralt speaks softer than usual, taking his fingers away from Jaskiers neck.

"no, i was beginning to awake when the sun hit my eyes" He mutters, "I just wanted to rest a bit more but I couldn't"

Geralt nods. He doesn't let go of Jaskier, and Jaskier doesn't seem to mind.

"do I have a family, Geralt?" He askes, suddenly. 

"yes. From what you've told me, you left them at a young age after you insisted your mother ran away from your father. You told me you hadn't seen her since" he informs him, eyes half lidded. "you never spoke much about the past, you didn't like to linger on it"

"oh" Jaskiers expression was sour. "so I take giving them a visit if this doesn't work is out of the question"

Geralt nods, and frowns to himself as Jaskier leaves his grip and sits up.

"I got enough money for warm bread and cheese. And a hot large bath for us to share together." Jaskier stretches. "I'll go get breakfast and then we can bathe together"

First, finding him in his arms, and now bathes together? Geralt was struck with confusion.

As Jaskier steps out of the room, steps light yet held some weight behind them, Geralt wants nothing more than to forget about the ball, their awful outfits and Jaskiers problem and just take the bard in his arms and keep fate at bay.

Jaskier would grow old eventually, and yet, Geralt would stay the same, of course, he ages, but much, much slower than a human like Jaskier.

He'll outlive him.

Fate was horrid. 

He snaps out of his thoughts as Jaskier steps back In, holding a wooden tray with warm cinnamon bread and cheese. He sits on the bed, and Geralt sits up too. They begin to eat, Jaskier gulping down the bread with the force of multiple gods, and beginning to blabber again. 

"and anyways, you can imagine how beautiful — oh!" He snickers, and makes a hand gesture for Geralt to stay still for a moment, he brings his thumb up, and wipes away a bread crumb at the corner of the white wolfs mouth, staring at Geralts lips for a moment, before smiling, and eating some more bread.

Geralt grunts, watching Jaskier, as he talked and talked even more. It wasn't long before they finished the bread and cheese, and the innkeep coming in to tell them the bath was drawn and warm.

Jaskier thanks him, and grins at Geralt. "let's go then, shall we?" He stands, walking to the washroom ahead of Geralt, practically already stripping.

Geralt walks into the wash room behind the bard, and finds Jaskier nude, pouring some salt, some oils and petals into the large Bath. He steps in and relaxs into it, inviting Geralt to join with a wave of his hand. 

Geralt strips, and takes out his hair tie, he lowers himself into the bath, and leans down into the amazingly warm water. 

Jaskier grabs a cloth from the side, and shuffles over to Geralt in the water, 

"let me scrub you" he tells him, and Geralt doesn't hesitate to turn his back for the bard.

As Jaskier scrubs gently, he can hear his heart beating quickly, and he can hear how Jaskier purses his lips, he certainly notices how Jaskier stops scrubbing for a moment at times and traces over Gerald's scars on his back and arms with soft touches.

He doesn't mention it. 

When Jaskier is sure all the grime and dirt is off the witcher, he hands Geralt another cloth, and raises an eyebrow as if waiting. Geralt rolls his eyes, and begins to clean his companion.

He watches Jaskier completely melt into his touch, even before he's actually touched the bard. His eyes wander Jaskiers skin, how it's scarless and smooth till... 

His arm. The old cursed one. There's scars painting it, as if the flesh tore itself open with the force of the spell Fringilla had cast upon Jaskier.

"yeah, I, uh, I wonder about this as well" Jaskier clears his throat, running the arm Geralt was staring so intensely at. "I take this was the arm that was supposedly cursed?"

"yes." Geralt slowly scrubs his arm, before Jaskier suddenly turns around to face him; chest to chest.

"Geralt." He says. "i—"

"am not done being scrubbed" He stops Jaskier from speaking further. He was terrified Jaskier would say those three words again, but he would never admit it.

He couldn't let Jaskier say those three words, because this Jaskier barely knew him. Barely knew how terrible he was to his old Jaskier, how he made him feel like a leech in Geralts side, a burden; when he wasn't.

He wasn't ready to hear those words again. 

Not from Jaskier. 

The rest of the bath is in awkward silence as they clean up, but Geralt can still hear the heavy thumping in Jaskiers chest, and can practically taste the blood from the inside of his cheek that he keeps biting.

Geralt is ready to leave, the water cold now, and as he stands, he's suddenly pulled back into the water by Jaskier, the bard gripping tightly on his wrist; but if Geralt really wanted to, he could break free.

"we— we used to be together right? Before everything.." Jaskier askes, "why can't we—"

"because, Jaskier, I hurt you" He admits. "of course, I could never hurt you physically but I made you feel useless, like you were a burden. You didn't even tell me about your bad arm till it was really bad."

"and I can't be with you knowing your falling in love with me again not knowing how much blamed everything on you; how I told you I would rather you dead, because of a simple mistake"

"you mean, when Ciri was taken? You— never told me that you lashed out." Jaskier looks at Geralt like a kicked puppy and Geralt can't, he fucking-can't for the life of him, look away from Jaskiers eyes.

"of course I didn't. I didn't want you to hate me again. That was when I thought I possibly deserved you, but I.. I don't." He sounds terrified for the first time in his life, and Geralt finally looks away when tears gather in Jaskiers eyes.

"no. Don't." Jaskier cups his cheek and makes him look back at him. "I'm not crying over this new information, you fool. I know that you probably argued with me, all couples have their fits, and I know that when I try to look back on certain memories, it's always either fondness or love I feel radiating from them. Never fear of being useless or a burden, just fear that I would.. How do I say this.. That I would never meet your standards, I think." He explains slowly.

"I'm crying because you feel like you aren't worth my love, or hell, love in general" He doesn't look away from Geralts eyes. "this version of me, without my memories, has only know you for a minimum of a week or so, yet I've fallen in love so easily, so much more easier than normal. Perhaps because of our history, or.. Maybe just because I know you have genuine care for me"

At the end of Jaskiers speech, Geralt sighs, and stands, leaving finally. Jaskier watches him go, and rubs his face, he gets out of the bath, and dries himself, changing into his clothes.

Leaving the wash room, Jaskier calls for Geralt, who had left for the tavern,dressed and all, he supposes. He walks down the stairs, and takes a left into the tavern, where the innkeep was singing a very familiar song, but Jaskier couldn't place it, he feels like the words are made to come out of his mouth, and as if he should play along with the lass.

"the fairer sex, they often call it... But her love’s as unfair as a crook.. It steals all my reason, commits every treason.. Of logic, with naught but a look" He finds himself murmering the lyrics with the innkeep. Good gods, why was this so familiar?

A hand is placed on his shoulder, and Jaskier looks up at the witcher who placed it there, smiling. 

"shall we go retrieve our outfits we commissioned from the tailor?," Askes he, acting as if their talk never happened.

It made Geralt sick. 

"hmm." Geralt nods to the bard, and the leave to go to the good tailorman.

They arrive, and the tailor is immediately aware of their presence. "ah, the witcher and the young bard, I remember you. The rush order last minute for today. Give me naught but a moment to get it out for you"

The tailor leaves, and Jaskier grins, giddy. He returns with the clothes, and insists they try it on now so he can see how it looks. 

They get dressed, and Geralt finds himself looking at himself in the mirror, this tailor did not disappoint. It was tight fitting, yet he could move in it, he didn't place to shed blood at this ball, but if need be, he was felixable in this.

He looks at Jaskier when he pushes the fabric curtain in the stall out of the way, and he could say this again when he vows this talior really didn't disappoint. 

Showing off, Jaskier did a spin, dramatic and very energetic. The entire attire spoke bards fashion, bright colours, and definitely eye catching. It defined his body, yet kept the anatomy of the fashion. 

"this is amazing!" Jaskier exclaims. "I will never let this outfit ruin, I shall care to it the best I can"

Geralt nods in agreement, and the talior clasps his hands together, nodding, satisfied with the finished product, despite looking dishevelled and stessed by the last minute order.

"ah, I suppose we should make our way to the ball now, shan't we?" Jaskier grips Geralts arm.

"verily. We don't want to miss Triss." the white wolf and his bard leave the tailors.

It isn't long before they make it to the ball, and Jaskier grabs Geralts hand in his gently, eyes watching the couples that passed them as they entered, who held their hands together.

Geralt doesn't pull away his hand, and gives Jaskier a tight squeeze. 

As they enter, it's almost immediate that someone comes up to them. 

"Jaskier!" The women greets brightly.

Jaskier looks at Geralt and looks back at her, confused. "hello." he tries.

"I tried to come in contact with you so then you could get an invitation for my wedding, but it was no use, it was as if you died" her eyes trail to the witcher. "Ah, you must be Geralt of Rivia, I've heard quite a lot about you from Jaskier. Where are my manners, I am the countess de stael" She curtesys.

"You already know my name" Geralt doesn't bow in return. He bows to no man nor woman. "last I heard of you, you and my bard had been in a relationship of sorts."

Jaskier and the Countess meet eyes, and Jaskier awkwardly grips Geralts hand tighter. 

"ah.. Yes.. Uh, I shall be heading off. To give the Duke my..regards" sensing the tension, she rushes off.

"well, uh, that was something" Jaskier mutters, chuckling. "now, what does this triss look like?"

"you just go have fun.. I'll find her." he sighs,

"are you sure? I do want to snatch you for a dance later, though"

Geralt grunts, and Jaskier rushes off to grab some ale and communicate with the nobles and so. 

Geralt slowly walks around the hall, and it doesn't take long for him to spot Triss, giving a curtesy to the Duke. As she walks away from his grace, Geralt takes her arm and grabs her to the side, she yelps, about to yell, before seeing his face. 

"witcher. Its been a while" She tilts her head. "last time you spoke to me was when you tried to see if it was actually possible to bring back Jaskier. I'm so sorry for your loss—"

Geralt turns her around and points to Jaskier talking to some ladies, showing off his doublet to them.

"what.. How?" She mutters. "no— you didn't kill—"

"no. I didn't. The curse reversed his death." he pauses, "just one problem. He remembers nothing."

"oh, that might be problem" she puts her hands on her hips, "I have a potion back at my cottage I could try on him, but no assurances. Meet me by the gate after the ball"

Geralt nods, and leaves her be. He leans against a wall, crossing his arms and watching triss walk away, and sparing Jaskier occasional glance to make sure he hadn't gotten himself in some sort of trouble.

What he would give for some peace and quiet for once. 

At least twenty minutes pass and his arm is suddenly grabbed when all the couples start dancing. He rolls his eyes when Jaskier starts dragging him away from the wall.

"come now, Geralt.. May I have this dance..?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There isn't a giant reunion between Jaskier and Geralt because I felt that it wouldn't fit, especially with the memory loss and the hurt Geralt is currently going through.
> 
> Of course, things will brighten up, and we will end this on a good note, 
> 
> So; thank you for reading, and please leave a comment!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geralt and Jaskier angst
> 
> That is all I can say

Geralt and Jaskier begin to dance, and, with time, Geralt relaxes into it. It's as much dancing as it is they're holding each other in an embrace. Geralt was never much a dancer, but Jaskier was quite the opposite with his dramatic flare. Jaskier didn't look away from his face, and yet, Geralt was avoiding looking at his bard.

"I cannot fathom it." Jaskier says sheepishly.

Geralt quirks an eyebrow, and Jaskier smiles.

"I can't fathom remembering everything we've been through together" said he, soft and gentle.

Geralt bitterly grits his teeth, his shoulders rising with tension, and his hands on the bard clenching.

There was a ugly part in Geralt that didn't want Jaskier to remember. A desperate want to change their past, to make it all better than it was before.

He let Jaskier die. 

That was his fault. 

He didn't want Jaskier to remember that, he didn't want Jaskier to know how he failed him. How he died in geralts arms.

"Geralt?" Jaskier spoke, cheerful as always. "are you alright?"

Geralt grunts and takes a moment. Jaskier opens his mouth to speak again, but Geralt shushes him quietly.

"let's get some beer" the witcher says, and Jaskier nods slowly, but his smile is unfaltering.

They leave the dance, and find themselves at a table that was crowded with nobles, but it was one of the few tables that had a space for the two. Jaskier grabs a tankard for himself and Geralt, and returns to sit by Geralts side. 

Geralt takes the tankard and immediately takes a chug of the beer, whereas Jaskier cups the tankard in his hands, giving the nobles a.. look of sorts.

"personally, I believe these men lose their manners when they're piss drunk" he mutters, looking at Geralt and suddenly smirking. "I have yet to see you completely out of it in alcohol, I wonder what kind of drunk you are? A flirt? Oh, maybe you're a complete opposite of your sober self, maybe you're a loud drunk"

"hm, maybe I'm the type of drunk that gets you to shut your mouth" Geralt comments, rolling his eyes.

"oh, can you please share your drunk self's methods of getting me to.. Shut my mouth?" Jaskier grins, neck flushed red as is his ears.

"perhaps choking you till you're unconscious will work?" He glares at Jaskier, threatening him. But there was no intent behind it. 

"oh, kinky!" Jaskier chuckles, leaning closer to Geralt. "didn't know you were a.. sadist"

The relentless flirting was beginning to get tiring. Not that Geralt hated it, but when every word you say is twisted into something romantic or sexual, it gets frustrating.

Geralt grunts at Jaskier once more, and looks away from the bard.

"I'm kidding, white wolf" Jaskier pats Geralts back. "I'm just teasing you."

"hm" Geralt murmers, eyes narrowing as one of the nobles took a seat directly opposite them.

"butcher. Bard." The noble man greets, a sly grin on his face, and he reeked of lust; Geralt noted.

"Sir..?" Jaskier goes on, leading in the silence for the man to give his name.

"prince Eydon of the small kingdom Tyrial." He quickly answers, and dismisses Jaskier in seconds, eyes meeting Geralts.

"so, what would a witcher be doing at a private ball?"

"came looking for a friend." He speaks low, and uninterested. "I haven't heard of Tyrial before."

"like I said, it's a small kingdom. Perhaps you would like to visit sometime?" the Prince smirks, and Geralt notices Jaskier's hands lose their way from the tankard and come resting on his lap, fingers picking at each other.

"not very interested" He tells the Prince, "unless you have a beast that needs to be slayed"

The Prince hums, "quick to dismiss my offer." He comments. "I'm staying in one of the Chambers in this mansion. Maybe you won't have to come all the way to Tyrial to pay me a visit, hm?"

"aren't prince's supposed to find princesses?" Jaskier snaps, seething, catching not only himself and the Prince off guard, but Geralt as well.

"now, now, such old views. In Tyrial, we're accepting of anything." Eydon quirks an eyebrow.

"great, and so am I, but _my_ witcher and I, aren't intrested in your small, probably disease ridden, starving kingdom" Jaskier stands, knocking over his tankard, and practically stomping off.

"his witcher?" Eydon's eyes widen. "I didn't know you were courting— If I had known I wouldn't—"

"I'm not." Geralt mutters, and surprises himself with his answer. "I mean.."

"so, you and the bard? Not a thing?" Eydon leans forward, about to reach over to touch Geralt,

The witcher stands suddenly, feeling as if the Prince touched him; he would fall into the man's subduction. Fuck.

When was the last time he had sex, since Jaskiers death?

" do you want to come to my room?" Eydon stands as well.

Geralt almost nods, he almost fucking nods, and he almost falls into the trap of his own lust and would completely disregard the person he really loved.

Geralt clenches his fists, and sighs.

"I'm afraid I cannot, for I have duties to attend to after this ball and I cant risk distracting myself" He tells him, his voice losing its gruff for whatever reason.

"well, if there's a change of plans, I'll make sure my door is slightly open tonight for you." the Prince smiles, "my chamber is next to the maids."

Geralt grunts, and leaves the table, rushing off to find Jaskier, which didn't exactly take long. The bard is in the garden, gripping a few dandelions tightly in his hand, and his face looks ashamed, flushed red and brows knitting themselves together.

Geralt finds himself approaching Jaskier quietly, steps almost impossible to hear. He places a hand on Jaskiers shoulder. He takes a seat next to him, and Jaskier stays quiet. 

"Jaskier—"

"I know I haven't known you for long since meeting you at that town near the coast. But something is pulling me to like you. To trust you. To be held in your warmth" he stops Geralt, sourly dropping the dandelions to the floor. "and seeing that Prince flirt with you, I got jealous. I wanted to be the one flirting with you, well, admittedly, I already have been"

"I'm not dense. I know, Jaskier." Geralt looks at the sky.

"then why don't you just.. Accept my feelings? Let's go back to the coast. Buy a cottage or— or something. We can live—"

"no." answers Geralt bluntly. "i.. I'm fond of you. Very much so, but..i.. Im going to get you hurt."

"no, you won't, I trust you—"

"well you shouldn't." He growls at the bard. "I got you killed last time. You died thinking you were a burden to me. Because I never offered a kind smile, or— or a fucking gentle touch. And then when we finally got Ciri back and things were looking up; you refused to tell me about that damn curse" He crosses his arms. "because I made you feel like your state of being wasn't important"

"Geralt.." Jaskier frowns. "it isn't your fault that I died."

"but it was!" Geralt exclaims, huffing, wide eyes staring at Jaskier, as if the bard could try to see his point of view through the witcher eyes. "I let you drag yourself into my life again and again—"

"why?" Jaskier asked hoarsely. "I obviously wanted to—"

"because I love you!" Geralt yells, voice seemingly echoing through the garden, and he snaps his mouth shut almost immediately, clenching his jaw.

Jaskier puts a hand over Geralts. "you are not at fault, Geralt of Rivia. I can tell you that again and again, from what you had told me, you kept trying to save me. You dragged yourself, Cirilla and myself across the continent to find Yennefer to help me. You confronted the sorceress who hurt me, fought her, and you kept trying."

"I..."

"I'm not done, shush" Jaskier rolls his eyes. "you mourned, and you grieved, and you isolated yourself, and you got yourself hurt again and again, as if it was some sort of punishment for something you couldn't control— now, don't tell me otherwise. When we made it to Yenn earlier this week, I remember how she greeted us at the door before seeing me. She said something along the lines of..now what was it..? Rushing into contracts without rest? That doesn't sound like a responsibile witcher. "

"Jaski—"

"i may not remember who I am, or you, or anyone, but I can tell you certainly that you don't deserve this weight you're putting onto yourself." Jaskier smiles at him. "as a dear friend, old lover, and hopefully future lover, take my word when I say it wasn't your fault" He sighs. "now, I presume, being the good person you are, you aren't going to court me or anything of the sorts till I get my memories back as to not take advantage of me?"

"no. I would never let myself.. Fall into relations when you're like this." Geralt shakes his head.

"well then, perhaps you should let off some steam. Go to that Prince. Have fun. Let loose" Jaskier strums his lute. "I'll try to fetch you before the end of the ball."

"are you sure..?" He squints at Jaskier, surprised, this seemed very mature for the bard.

"definitely. I can't imagine what types of punishment you've brung upon yourself but I imagine with the loyalty you have to me, you haven't.." Jaskier smirks. "y'know. So go. You have my permission, not that it really matters; the white wolf doesn't follow anyones orders right?"

Geralt nods slowly, and sighs. He wasn't sure with good moral that he _could_ go to the Prince, while Jaskier plays his lute in this garden, alone, waiting for Geralt to let loose. Sex wasn't the problem, the problem was that he just missed holding Jaskier in his arms. But he couldn't do that to him, like this. Not now. He would be taking advantage of the bard, with Jaskiers consent or not; he couldn't even remember his family.

"now go, Geralt." Jaskier grins, "don't keep me waiting after the ball though, I don't want to post pone getting my memory back any longer."

"speaking of...what if we never get it back, Jask?" He frowns at the bard.

Jaskier falters, and he looks away from Geralt. "I.. Just go, Geralt. We can talk about that later." He murmers, his own voice sounding unsure of itself.

Geralt pauses, suddenly grabbing Jaskier, and kissing him gently, soft, and fair. He pulls away. "I just.. I _will_ get your memory back." he assures.

Jaskiers slowly nods, eyes slightly wide. He smiles at Geralt, love sick, and sentimental.

Geralt stands, leaving Jaskier, and finding his way to the prince's Chambers, he stands at the door, fighting with himself about this. 

This would eat him alive. He would be betraying Jaskier.

No. No. Jaskier said he could. But does that mean he should?

"oh, hello" a familiar voice speaks from behind him. "decided to come?"

Geralt closes his eyes for a moment, and let's his pent up feelings let loose, he grabs the Prince from behind him, and they rush into the man's Chambers. 

* * *

Geralt lays nude, the luxurious fur blanket at his waist, as the man next to him is seemingly asleep; exhausted. Geralt closes his eyes, and huffs, eyes open now, throwing the blanket off his lower body and collecting his clothes quickly. As he dresses, he hears a knock at the door, and he grunts loudly. The door is opened, and a maid walks in.

"ah, master witcher, the bard by Jaskier is asking for you." said she, and Geralt nods, she leaves.

Geralt ties up his hair and sighs lowly to himself. 

Fuck. 

What the fuck. He really just did that. With the young man in the bed behind him. Guilt lies heavy in his heart, and Geralt finds himself digging his finger nails into his palm roughly, almost drawing blood if he didn't have any self restraint.

As he walks, he can hear the murmers of the maids and servants he passes, and with every word they say about him, none good, he finds himself agreeing.

"Geralt!" Jaskier exclaims, appearing from nowhere, grinning, and red from drinking too much. "finally! The ball is almost over."

"i thought as much." He looks around as the nobles began to get ready to leave.

Jaskier hiccups, looking surprised at the sound erupting from his throat, and Geralt pushes down the thought of _cute_ and pats the bards back.

"let's go to the gate. I promised to meet Triss there." He takes Jaskiers arm, considering how drunk he was; he was sure the man could barely walk straight.

They make it to the gate, and silence isn't a problem as Jaskier starts blabbering on about what happened when Geralt left, explaining cheerfully, and sparing no detail. It doesn't take long for him to see Triss, and their eyes meet. She makes careful steps to approach him.

"I hope you don't mind walking with me to the edge of this town? My cottage is located there.."

"I don't think we have much of a choice." Geralt tells her, "let's go."

The entire trek there was smooth, besides the amount of times Jaskier tripped, and stumbled, intoxicated and barely concious. Geralt had practically resorted to dragging the bard behind him.

Triss looked at him, and raises an eyebrow. "its almost surprising to see Jaskier, again.." She says, glancing at him.

"I kissed him upon seeing him." Geralt admits, words blunt yet tone gruff. 

"I think if the love of my life was dead, I would do the same if I saw them again." Triss smiles at him sympathetically. "I know the last two years have been more than a bit difficult for you. You don't have to keep up this act of.. Perfect solider or whatever." she says casually.

Geralt nods. "I've heard the same thing from yenn multiple times. And recently from Jaskier about his death not being my fault. I'm sick of hearing it."

"i would be too, but it's the truth." she removes a key from her pocket as they finally approach the cottage, and she unlocks the door.

"so, this potion, it isn't dangerous is it?"

"no, but it is experimental. As much as I would like to say it would help, I can't assure it. The mind is a fragile thing. Why don't you sit him down and give him some water to sober him up." she suggests as she approachs her herbs and vials.

Geralt sits Jaskier down on a chair, and the bard smiles loopily at him, he takes his water flask out and puts it to Jaskiers lips, helping him drink as not to choke on the water.

"this potion can have one of two affects. His memory back or temporary body numbness." She shrugs. "I was reading a book, and tried to recall the recipe for the potion but I believe I may have mixed up a herb or too."

"can this wait till he's completely sober?" Geralt blinks as Jaskier giggles at nothing. "he's a bit.. Out of it."

"ah.. Yes.. I have a spare room, you two can share, right?" Triss puts down the vial, pointing to the room

"of course we can." Geralt helps Jaskier out of the chair, and walks with the bard to the spare room, setting the man on the bed, and was about to turn around when his arm is grabbed and he's pulled back with surprising strength.

Jaskier hums, pulling Geralt to lay next to him, and he nuzzles his face into the crook of the witchers neck. Geralt let's a smile tug at his lips, and he holds Jaskier in his arms till he's sure the man is asleep, softly breathing against Geralt. Geralt closes his eyes, and he hears footsteps approaching, and can feel Triss' eyes landing on him and Jaskier. Theres a breath, and the candle by the bedside is blown out, and as she leaves she closes the door behind her.

Geralt leans closer to Jaskier, pushing their bodies impossibly close, before sleeping.

* * *

When Geralt awakens, he doesn't feel Jaskier next to him, but can feel the bards weight on the bed. He can hear him muttering.

"Fringilla.. Who is..Fringilla.." Jaskier murmers, head in his hands, and by seeing the sweat at Jaskiers neck, how tense his shoulders were, and how Jaskier's hands were trembling slightly, he could guess the bard had a nightmare. "fuck- why can't I remember anything?" he curses himself.

"calm down." Geralt sits up, looking at Jaskier. "don't try to force yourself to remember. You'll strain yourself."

"Geralt?" He whips his head around to look at Geralt, and around the rim of his eyes are red and puffy. "I.. I dreamt of a woman, she— she was chanting or whatever, and then I was bleeding"

"where did you get the name Fringilla?" He askes, tone soft, and patting the free space next to him; Jaskier shuffles over and sits there, leaning against Geralts side heavily.

"she.. The woman said it. It was the last thing she said in my dream" He mutters.

"have you been having dreams like these often?" Geralt stares at Jaskier with concern, dreams were powerful things, and often had double meaning. A reoccurring dream could either mean Jaskier's memories were recovering, or it could mean something bad.

"not really..?" He huffs. "i have a bad headache.."

"you drank a lot last night." Geralt explains. "I'm surprised you're not doubling over vomiting on the floor as we speak"

Jaskier says nothing for once, and Geralt watches as he shifts in the bed.

"it's early, Jask. Go back to sleep." He brings his hand up and stroke the hair out of Jaskiers face.

The bard nods, and gets comfy, closing his eyes and slowly wrapping his arms around Geralt. 

Geralt doesn't go back to sleep. He stares at Jaskier, and his heart clenches. If he hadn't failed to protect Jaskier, he wouldn't be having these nightmares. Hell, if he hadn't let Jaskier follow him around and fucking make him fall in love with him, he wouldnt be like this.

Fuck. Why did Jaskier have to love him?

Even without his memories, he still falls for Geralt, and Geralt feels disgusting for loving him back because he isn't supposed to feel and in the end he's either going to get hurt, or Jaskier is going to get hurt. 

Jaskier was going to get old, and frail. With the curse reversing his age, sure he had a extra decade, but in the end he will grow old. And he won't be able to follow Geralt around anymore. 

If he doesn't die from old age, he's probably die from a beast, or a angry husband, father, wife or mother. Or maybe Geralt would be the reason he'd die.

And when Jaskier is gone. Geralt will curse himself, he'll mourn all over again, and he deserves to because he's the one that fell in love with a human.

And if Jaskier doesn't die before he does, when he starts to get reckless and slow, when there's the final fatal blow to finally end his miserable, somewhat unfeeling life, he's hate himself for leaving the bard to grieve, and alone. 

The more Jaskier stays with him, the more he's probably going to get hurt, and is more likely to die. And he doesn't want Jaskier to die. He doesn't want to be the reason he dies, because he was too slow to protect him,

Or

Or

Or—

Fuck.

"you're as stiff as a board, Geralt." He hears Jaskier mutter into his arm, eyes opening slightly to look at him. "calm yourself. I can practically hear you thinking. We'll figure things out.."

Geralt forces himself to relax, and sighs through his nose. He focuses on Jaskiers heartbeat, and its steady, but slightly fast. The bard wasn't going to sleep any time soon.

"you're going to have that headache for a while. Do you want some water?" Geralt askes, meeting Jaskiers eyes.

"that would be appreciated. It feels like got stepped on by a million Roachs" Jaskier complains, dramatically putting his hand over his forehead as if in a play.

Geralt rolls his eyes, and reaches for his water flask in his pouch, he passes it to the bard, and Jaskier doesn't hesistate as he chugs it all down.

"so, I might get my memories back, I sure am excited, how about you?" Jaskier grins despite the headache and croaking in his voice.

Geralt grunts, and Jaskier grins even more.

"admit it, you can't wait to see me back to normal!" He presses, jokingly.

"sure." Geralt answers sarcastically, and Jaskier punches his arm gently.

* * *

A couple hours pass, and time is passed quickly, with Jaskier playing his lute and singing until Geralt grabs his lute and forces him to stop.

Triss walks into the their room, seemingly just awoken. "let's get you that potion, bard" she makes a gesture for them to follow her as she turns to leave.

Jaskier hops off the bed and Geralt follows Triss slowly, she grabs the vial off her work bench and puts it out for Jaskier to take it. 

"so, I already explained to Geralt the two outcomes of taking this. Your memory will get better, or, you'll feel temporarily numb around your body" she tells him, "nothing life endangering"

"swell!" Jaskier smiles, and pops the Cork off the vial, and drinks it quickly, making a sour face at the taste.

"well?" Geralt askes, staring at Jaskier with concern.

"uh—" He drops to the floor, face first. "second one. Can't feel my legs" He mumbles.

Triss sighs, "I can try another potion—"

"no, i.. I think that's enough" Geralt helps Jaskier sit in a chair. "thanks, Triss, but if Yenn couldn't help, and that potion didn't work, I don't think Jaskier will get his memory back"

"well, maybe it's a time thing? With time, he'll remember everything?" She tries, as Jaskiers eyes flicker between her and Geralt.

"perhaps, we can only hope." Geralt looks at Jaskier. "for now, after this numbness is off, we'll just.. Work with it."

An hour or so passes, and Jaskier could finally move his leg, and the numbness begin to ware off, Jaskier finds himself back on his feet in no time, and grinning at Geralt once more; relentless positivity despite the fact he still didn't have his memories back.

Triss leaves, to go do chores with her garden and fetch some herbs in town, leaving Jaskier and Geralt alone.

"Geralt?" Geralt hears Jaskier ask.

"Jask," Geralt mutters, grabbing Jaskiers wrist lightly and making the bard look at him, the sudden softness and sympathy almost catching Jaskier off guard. "im sorry"

"that sounded painful to say. You need not be apologetic, my dear witcher!" He tilts his head, "its not your fault, we've discussed this"

"but it is my fault, Jaskier." Geralt growls lightly, and Jaskier sighs. "Its my fault you don't have your memory"

"no it isn't" Jaskier insists. "I promise you that."

"stop trying to defend it, if you hadn't been by my side, none of this would have happened. I'm the reason, more or less, why you don't remember your mother, or our relationship".

Jaskier looks sour, "you're an absolute idiot, Geralt. I think from what you've told me, and what Yenn has told me, I decided to follow you. I think i knew the consequences and risks. I'm perfectly fine not remembering my past, the future is all I care about. Seriously, I'm just grateful im not dead. I have a second chance at life. Do you know how many people would—"

"enough, Jaskier." Geralt huffs, and suddenly pulls the bard close, kissing him again.

Jaskier kisses back gently, lips soft and tender, and Geralt relaxes at the familiar touch on his own lips, he pulls away, and stares into Jaskiers eyes for a moment and looks away; cursing himself.

Doing that was just going to make this so much more harder. 

"I think we should part ways." He tells Jaskier, and he could hear Jaskiers heart speed up.

"no. No. You can't do that. Especially after kissing me." Jaskier shakes his head.

"it isn't up for discussion. You can stay with triss till she decides enough is enough. I should leave."

"Geralt" Jaskier tries, and when Geralt roughly pushes past him to get his cloak and sword that he left by the door, he reaches out.

The hard way it would be then.

He glares at Jaskier, and his heart twists as Jaskier flinchs at the cold gaze. "I'm done with you." He says; voice gruff and heavy, but there's no intent behind his words.

"what? No. You dont—" Jaskier pleads, "Geralt. Stop."

"i said, I'm done with you!" Geralt twists around and forces the yell from his throat, he doesn't look at Jaskiers eyes; anywhere from those beautiful fucking eyes that will make this damn act collapse the minute he meets them.

"you don't mean that." Jaskier clenches his fists, voice soft.

"you were a good lay, shitty bard, and trouble since meeting you. I'm done. Your list of problems get longer every day. This memory thing? My limit." He slaps Jaskiers hand away when the bard tries to grab him again.

"i— you— why?" Jaskiers voice cracks and his shoulders slump.

"why? Why what? Why did I keep you around? Did I not just fucking tell you? A good lay." He huffs, turning again, and strapping his sword to his back, grabbing cloak.

Jaskier says nothing for a long time, and Geralt closes his eyes, cursing himself as he can hear his heart beat heavily against his ribcage and chest.

"bye, then, Geralt" Jaskier sighs. "I'm sorry for being a burden"

Geralt walks out of the cottage, and is greeted by Triss, holding a basket of fruit, and knowing expression. 

"I'll look after him for you. But did you really have to break his heart?" She speaks softly, and gentle.

"I needed to make sure he wouldn't try to come after me" Geralt says bitterly, "I would just put him in harms way"

"perhaps, but.."

"no. Good bye, Triss." and with that, Geralt finds his way to Roach in the stable he left her in, in the town, and preps her.

Alone. Like he should be. 

Like he should have always been. 

Once Roach is ready, Geralt doesn't mount her just yet. He leans his forehead against her neck, and when she snickers, he sighs. 

"I fucked up, Roach"

She snorts, and Geralt slowly pulls away from her. "no surprise there, right?"

She kicks her front hooves, and Geralt mounts her, petting her mane. "He won't be joining us anymore."

He presses his heels into her sides, and she starts to gallop out of the town, passing Triss' cottage on the way. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geralt trains Ciri in combat, and she joins him on his adventures now. 
> 
> The witcher and the bard meet once more.

"your stance is lacking. Your grip is wavering and—"

"I get it" Ciri huffs, adjusting her stance on the wooden pillars, gripping her wood training sword tighter. She hops both feet onto other logs, hitting the dummy again.

Geralt watches as she almost falls, but catches herself. 

"still lacking, Cirilla." he huffs. "stance wide, body lowered, balance is much more important than you think. You cannot trip when fighting a drowner."

Ciri nods, lowering her body and widening her stance. 

Thirty minutes pass, and Ciri does improve, slowly but surely. 

"okay, break. You need to eat." Geralt helps her off the tall logs, and she grins at him.

She sits down next to their fire in the forest, and takes the wooden bowl filled with soup. 

"you're getting better" He compliments.

"thank you" She smiles, shy at the compliment.

They ate in silence for the most part. It had been two months since he left Jaskier with Triss, and went to go pick up Ciri from Yennefer to start training her like the little girl begged. Every day she's getting better at her fighting, but of course, there's still faults that Geralt will help her figure out.

She doesn't question where Jaskier is, surpsingly. But Yennefer did. And when he tells her what he had told Jaskier, she calls him a idiot, and shakes her head. 

It was for Jaskier safety. He didn't want him to get hurt.

And perhaps, Geralt didn't want to get hurt either.

Call him selfish, if you will, but he had their best interest at heart, or so he thought. 

* * *

Jaskier had stayed with the lovely Triss Merigold for a week, at most, everyday she would ask if he remembered anything.

He saw things, in his dreams. 

Things he couldn't place, yet it seemed to be at the tip of his tongue.

Sometimes he takes an hour to just push himself to try to remember, and it always ends in pain. A vicious headache.

He cries, through the first week. After Geralt left, but finds himself back at the beginning from when he awoke from his grave. Numb.

Maybe he was being dramatic, he wasn't dependant on the witcher, but he had fallen for him so quickly, that when he disappeared just as fast, it hurt worse than any pain he could imagine. 

Triss would try to help him with his emotions, and his memories, but It never worked out. He got sick of it never fucking working out. 

He leaves Triss' cottage at dawn, hoping she wouldn't mind he borrowed one of her cloaks.

He walks, and walks, and keeps on walking till he's somewhere he doesn't know. A different town.

He sings at a tavern, gets some coin, his shoulders shake when someone askes him to sing a song about the white wolf. He remembers when Geralt had given him a piece of parchment with familiar handwriting on it, Jaskiers hand writing, and the title on the parchment was 'toss a coin'; when he asked if he had written any songs about the witcher.

Jaskier sings toss a coin to your witcher, and finds it familiar, and he swears he gets a flash of memory, of him and Geralt being tied up. 

He dismisses it, and collects the coin from the patrons of the tavern, and gets himself a hot meal, and a room at the Inn. 

He doesn't rest.

Instead, he composes and sings.

Of lust, and heart break. 

Morning comes too soon, and he's tired, but he pushes himself to keep walking to another town. He didn't want to settle. He's slow due to his lack of sleep, but he takes his time either way so there's not much of a difference, not when there's a witcher to keep up to— or to sleep with in his arms, safe and comfortable.

Jaskier shakes his head.

A month passes, and he finds himself wielding a dagger on him at all times for safety. In just a month he had gotten robbed countless times, beaten for his coin, and when they found he didn't have any, they kept on beating him.

Sometimes when he's alone, he gets angry at Geralt for what he had said to him, before his anger defuses into sobs and heart ache.

Before he knows it, he's in novigrad, and finds himself in an Inn, the innkeep recognises him, but he doesn't recognise her. She gives him a room for free for one night. Someone approaches Jaskier when he finishes singing for the people in the tavern, and askes if he knew where the white wolf was.

He scowls, and grabs a tankard from the barmaid, and drinks, not answering.

He spends three days in novigrad, and was ready to leave when he sees a familiar pair of violet eyes in the tavern. 

"Yennefer" He greets, "it's been a while. Tell me, what pleasure do I have to be graced with your presence?" sarcasm laces his voice, he has no ill intention towards her, but he finds himself mad at everything, everyone and mostly himself nowadays.

"I was dropping by. Heard you were playing here. Wanted to check on you." She sighs, "you're going to drink yourself to death"

"ever stop and think that's the point?" He hisses, ready to take another chug of his tankard when she stops him.

"Geralt is in Novigard. With Ciri. That's why I'm here." Yennefer looks him in the eyes, and Jaskier' heart stops at the thought that Geralt would even be in the same city as him. "it just happens we're meeting in this tavern for dinner to catch up. It seems destiny is bringing you back together."

Jaskier stands. "Im just about to be on my way." He grabs his lute. "if destiny really wanted things to work out between us, it never would have let out last encounter happen"

"Jaskier. Sit. You two need to talk" she insists.

"theres nothing to talk about" His eyes are brimming with emotions, and his shoulders tremble. "why do you care anyway?"

"because.." She rubs her temples, "as much as I hate to admit it, you two complete each other. Geralt is lacking without you."

Jaskier chuckles bitterly. "is that so? You really think I'm going to believe that after every thing he had said to me?"

"Jaskier—"

"goodbye, Yennefer." Jaskier turns, and heads towards the door of the tavern, and as he leaves, he meets piercing gold cat like eyes, he sees two swords, and a familiar medallion.

He looks away, and pushes past the witcher and the Princess, walking quickly, ignoring the yell of his name from the child.

* * *

"was that..?" Geralt speaks slowly, and Yennefer rolls her eyes.

"yes, that was Jaskier." She answers, and stares as Geralt shifts his weight.

"why isn't he having dinner with us?" Ciri askes, concern written on her face. "I miss him and his songs"

"unfortunately, he's a bit too.. Busy..with his own problems." Yennefer answers her softly. 

"should we help him? He looks.." Ciri pauses, looking for the right word.

"distraught." Geralt finishes for her, his eyes flickering to the road Jaskier rushed down.

"hm, I wonder why" the sorceress tilts her head at Geralt, before guiding Ciri into the tavern to a booth. They sit, and order from the barmaid.

"white wolf!" a man calls, approaching the table, "you're the witcher— Geralt of Rivia. Master Jaskier just sang about you."

Geralt feels his heart wrench in his chest. Despite breaking the bards heart, Jaskier still sung about him. 

"do you have a job?" Geralt gets straight to the point.

"aye, a bastard of a creature storms the rich houses near the North Gate." He answers. "400 silver as reward. Half upfront"

"I'll come back to you for the contract" Geralt murmers, "farewell" he dismisses the man, and the man leaves.

"what happened?" Ciri asked suddenly, crossing her arms and staring at Geralt. "between you and Jaskier?"

Geralt quietly grunts, as their food arrives.

"I know something happened. You need to sort it out." she scolds, and Geralt raises an eyebrow at the authority in her tone.

"I'll find him and talk things out." He promises. "only for you, Ciri."

They eat, and Geralt considers actually going to Jaskier. He finds himself missing the bard and regretting his words to him dearly, but he knew it would keep Jaskier safe. He needed to keep Jaskier safe.

Perhaps, it doesn't matter if he's safe if he's absolutely miserable. 

They finish eating, and go to rest at the Inn, Yennefer and Ciri sharing a room, while Geralt takes a room for himself. He leaves his bags and pouches in there, ready to go find Jaskier, if the bard hadn't left Novigard already; which he doubted.

He sees Yennefer outside of her room, obviously waiting for him.

"you're actually going for him" she smiles. "good. I can't see you two arguing anymore, it's childish."

Geralt nods. "do you know where he could be?"

"no, i don't know. Try another tavern or Inn. He looked exhausted. Couldn't have gone far" She shrugs.

He thanks her, before leaving the Inn, and walking down the road Jaskier took, finding the nearest tavern, askes for him, and when he finds he's not there, he repeats the task with another tavern and Inn. 

Finally, he finds Jaskier, in the corner of the third Tavern he tries, and his eyes land on him. It doesn't take long for Jaskier to recognise his presence, and he tenses. He slides into the seat opposite Jaskier, and opens his mouth to speak; when the bard shushes him.

"I know what you're going to say, and frankly, I don't want to hear it" He sighs, "I don't want anymore harsh words"

"I was going to apologise" He frowns, "you look terrible"

"thanks, Geralt, I really appreciate your input" He rolls his eyes.

"im sorry, Jaskier. But.. I did what needed to be done. The longer you stuck with me, the more likely you were going to be hurt"

Jaskier barks out a laugh, it sounds bitter and hurt. "sorry? You? Hilarious. Let's not even touch on the fact you hurt me worse than any creature could, especially with your words"

Geralt speaks quietly, "if a creature hurts you, you could die" he replies gruffly.

"atleast I would die having thought you loved me." He shakes his head. "what you did wasn't for me, no matter how much you try to tell yourself that. It was selfish. You did it to save yourself heart break and distraught, and yet, gave me the heart break. So don't give me that horses crap of a excuse." 

Geralt tenses, and Jaskier watches him. Jaskier was right, Geralt knew he was. He didn't want to be hurt, he didn't want to get someone he's grown so attached to get ripped out of his hands so he ripped apart Jaskiers heart in turn to get him away from him. At least it would have been on his condition, and not to destiny's cruel fate of old age. 

"you're scared of losing me," Jaskier speaks softly. "and you're terrible at showing your emotions, but I know you, Geralt of Rivia. And I know that when you are scared, you hurt the people you care about. I sympathise with you. I'm not giving you pity, I know you wouldn't accept it anyways, I just saying, for future reference, don't be such an arse and just talk"

"I'm not angry at you, I forgave you a long time ago when I realised why you said what you said and that you didn't mean it. But something inside me can't help but feel like you were being honest, and you really didn't want me around" Jaskier sighs, "and that ate me alive. Not knowing if you really hated me or not"

"I would never hate you" Geralt assures. "you're right. I was scared of losing you. Scared of taking advantage of you. So I lashed out in an attempt to make you hate me." he admits, and rolls his eyes at Jaskiers smugish face.

"but you know I love you, and I don't think I will ever stop loving you." Jaskier smiles at him, "even if you break my heart"

"I love you too.. I just, when you're like this.."

"personally, Geralt, I don't think normal me would care if memory loss me got with you" He chuckles. "if your scared of taking advantage of me, Im no fool, I know how to say no, and I know when someone's manipulating me"

"hm" Geralt grunts, letting a smile slip for the bard.

"plus, I think I'd let you take advantage of me all night long" He jokes, but a shot of lust runs down Geralts spine at that.

"come back with me to my room at the Inn down the path" He growls at Jaskier, despite the aggressive invitation, the bard beams slightly, and nods.

They walk back to the Inn, Jaskier taking hold of Geralts cloak as if fearing he would lose the witcher any second, and Geralt focusing on the bards rythmatic heart beat, finding it soothing. 

It wasn't long before Geralt was pushing Jaskier into his room, and crowding him against the door, kissing the younger man with such passion that the gods would fear.

* * *

Morning came not too soon, and when Geralt awoke, he found Jaskier awake, sitting by the window, and strumming his lute quietly. 

"good morning, you brute" Jaskier chuckles as Geralt rose, and the witcher took pleasure in seeing the markings on the bards neck.

Geralt grunts and ties his hair out of his face, leaving the bed and picking his clothes off the floor, dressing quickly.

"Ciri popped in, asked if we wanted anything from the market. Told her some apples." Jaskier comments, he stopped strumming his lute, and stood.

Geralt nods, and Jaskier approaches him, smiling. 

"listen.." He whispers to Geralt, "I had a dream"

"and?" Geralt wraps his arms around Jaskiers waist.

"i think I remember something" he murmers with a soft grin, excited that his memory could possibly be getting better.

"oh?" that catches Geralts attention. "what do you remember?"

"I think it was meeting Yennefer for the first time." he explains, "a giant orgy, which by the way, I find extremely kinky, and something to do with apple juice. Also, blood? It's a bit blotchy, but it's something, right?"

"definitely." Geralt nods, "you were attacked by a Djinn, and we went to Yenn for help"

"a Djinn? Like a genie? The ones in the bottles from the tales? That's amazing" He says curiously, "had I written a song about it?"

"yes, Im sure you did. You spent a week trying to come up with the right words"

They leave their room, just as Yennefer and Ciri were about to knock.

"Apples!" Jaskier cheers, taking a apple out of the basket Ciri was holding. He bites into it without much hesistance.

Geralt grunts and takes one as well, eating it quickly. 

"what now?" Jaskier askes, curiously tilting his head.

"I'm going to go do a contract or two" Geralt adjusts his swords on his back. "you, Yenn and Ciri can do whatever you please"

"hm" Jaskier hums, "whatever I please? Well, I want to come along with you!"

"too dangerous" Geralt rolls his eyes,

"didn't we talk about how I could care less and I'll make sure I won't get in the way?" Jaskier taps his chin, and Yennefer chuckles.

"stay with Yenn, talk to her about your memory loss. I'm sure she can try to give you a few methods to try to remember" Geralt pats Jaskiers shoulder.

Jaskier sighs and nods, before grinning and facing Yennefer, vibrating with anticipation. Geralt takes this as his cue to leave.

They enter the room they had stepped out of moments ago, and Yenn forces Jaskier to sit down infront of her in the bed, cross legged while Ciri recalled some of her training moves near the fire place.

"memory is fragile, if I wanted to, I could remove my own easily, but getting them back would be a problem" She speaks slowly, "under the case that you didn't remove your memories yourself, we need to find the sorcerer or sorceress who did. But Fringilla is dead, so we have to resort to a different method"

"And what would that be?" Jaskier askes, curious.

"there are two methods I've heard of. One risky, the other complicated" She takes his hands in her own, looking at his palms for a moment. "the risky one includes pain, but it works wonders, or so I've been told. The complicated ones resort to you retracing your steps, from visiting places or meeting people you've already met to see if that triggers something"

"the painful one sounds easier, at least to think about. None of you know anything about my past, or where I've been or who I've met. And you're all I know" He shrugs.

"I won't try the blood method without full consent that you know what's going on. And not without Geralt knowing—"

"these are my memories. Not his." Jaskier presses, "I just want to move on. When can we do that method?"

Yennefer glances at Ciri, and thinks it over. "i won't do it with Cirilla here. We need to distract her"

"I'm sure the innkeep wouldn't mind looking after her, the innkeep is a nice young lady" He informs, "should I take ciri to her?"

"take me where?" Ciri steps towards them, tilting her head.

"we're gonna do some stuff. Dangerous stuff. To see if Jaskier can get his memories back. I don't want you to be here to see it." Yennefer speaks softly.

"I.." She glances at Yenn then at Jaskier. "okay. I'll go. To uh the innkeep lady, she's really nice. Just be careful, for me, please?"

"anything for you" Jaskier winks playfully, "promise"

Ciri nods, taking her leave. Yennefer stands, pushing Jaskier on the center of the bed, laying him down. She takes rope out from one of Geralts bags, and ties him up. 

"oh, Yenn, If I had known you would do this I would have lost my memory sooner" he smirks, joking, only to get a cloth tied tightly around his mouth.

"this is going to be painful, Bard."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't write smut unless it's a special occasion, and considering valentines day is coming up, I may make a special chapter, that includes fluff and smut just to lighten the load on this angsty boat. 
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaskier gets his memory back.
> 
> They talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

When Geralt returns to the Inn, a head of a creature over his shoulder, he sees Ciri sitting behind the counter with the innkeep, eating a plate of food. 

He approaches, "Ciri?" he puts the head down on the counter, and the innkeep rushes to pull out Geralts pay.

"Geralt!" She smiles, "Jaskier and Yenn sent me out of the room"

"why? What are they doing?" He furrows his eyebrows, "she isn't preparing him for another ritual right?"

"I don't think so—"

Geralt focuses his hearing on their inn room, and hears muffled sobs, and shushes.

"fuck." he rushes up the stairs, and bangs into their room. "Jaskier!"

The bard was on the edge of passing out, and Yennefer glares at Geralt. "Get out!"

"what are you doing?!" He yells, ready to untie Jaskier and tend to the man's wounds.

"getting his memories back!" she stands, pushing him away from Jaskier. With one hand on Geralts chest, the other faces Jaskier, and Geralt sees her magic flow out of her palm; the bard screams again.

"you're going to kill him!" He pushes against Yennefer, but she keeps him in place.

The sorceress growls, using her magic to push Geralt up against the wall across the room, turning her back to him and continuing on Jaskier.

"he wanted this" She snaps, and Jaskier sobs into the cloth around his mouth.

"Stop! Hes—"

"He'll be fine!" she retorts.

It feels like forever till Geralt is let off the wall, and Jaskiers screaming stops, Yennefer pants, exhausted, and is by Jaskiers side immediately. 

"get some salve, and some bandages" She orders, "his body strained itself, some things are broken most likely"

Geralt lowly growls, "this is your fault" he grabs some salve out of his bag, along with some bandages, "he's human, that means fragile, Yenn!"

She undoes the ropes holding Jaskier down and rubs salve on the bruises and rope burns around the bards wrists and ankles.

"he wanted his memories back."

"we don't even know if this worked" Geralt huffs, "you could have just fucked his mind worse"

"I was careful" if looks could kill, Geralt would be dead on the floor with the glare Yennefer was giving him, but the witcher was more concerned with Jaskier.

Geralt grunts, and undoes the cloth around Jaskiers mouth, frowning at the sweat running down the man's forehead.

"we just have to wait for him to awaken"

Geralt sits next to Jaskier, eyes not tearing off the bard.

"he better wake up, Yenn." He takes Jaskiers hand in his. "and with full memory, or else this would have been for nothing you would have just fucked with his mind"

"I pulled his memories out of the fog they were behind, it is the will of his soul— if he really wants to remember, that will get him through this" She sighs.

* * *

_Jaskier felt like he was in a void. Nothing but him. He felt like he was to walk endlessly, till he reached something._

_His head snaps to look wherever he just heard the strumming of a lute. Where was the strumming coming from?_

_Suddenly, he sees himself in a tavern. Its like, he was outside of his own body and watching himself. He rounds himself, reaching out, and his eyes widening when his hand phases through himself._

_"what.." he murmers aloud, and watches as his body walks away, and approaches.. Geralt?_

_He sees himself introduce himself to Geralt, and tag along with the witcher to.. Somewhere. Something about a devil._

_They end up getting tied up by elves, and Jaskier watches as they beat him and Geralt, this all felt too familiar, too real, like he was just relieving—_

_His past._

_He wants to know more about himself, Geralt had already told him everything about their travels._

_He sees his family. His father, and mother._

_Oh._

_Well, now he wasn't sure he wanted to know them anymore because—_

_He cringes as he sees the belt strike down again and young Jaskier cries out._

_The scene changes, he's with Geralt again. Maybe he subconsciously decided he didn't want to see it anymore._

_This memory is the first time he and Geralt had kissed._

_Jaskier smiles as he sees himself and Geralt. Happy._

_Something crawls under his skin, and his head hurts--it hurts so fucking much because—_

_He remembers._

_Everything._

* * *

Geralts eyes snap open just as he was about to fall asleep as Jaskier gasps, and sits up.

"Jaskier!" He exclaims, and the bard looks at him, mouth open as if to speak, but he closes it again. "do you remember? Are you okay?"

Jaskier groans and grips his head tightly, putting a hand on Geralts chest as if keeping him away. 

"I died" he gasps out, and Geralts nostrils are met with the sour smell of fear and panic.

"you remember" Geralt mutters, his voice unsure. He was unsure. Whether this was good or bad.

"i— I died" Jaskier stumbles to get out of the bed, just as Yennefer walks in with Ciri.

Jaskier corners himself against a wall away from Geralt, Yenn and Ciri. He grits his teeth and groans again, kneeling over and gripping his head.

"Jaskier!" Geralt tries, stepping closer, "please, sit back down"

"don't take another step!" Yennefer yells, squinting. "do you sense that?"

Geralt feels the rumble and shake of his medallion against his chest, and Yenn looks at Jaskier again.

"some of the curse returned with his memories" She swears, clenching her fists. 

Jaskier meets her eyes, before moving with speed Geralt hadn't ever seen from the bard. He pushes past Yennefer and Ciri, to the door, but Geralt is faster. He grabs Jaskiers arm. 

"let me go!" Jaskier yells, tugging on his arm. 

"you're scared! That's okay!" Ciri yells, "just trust us!" 

"I died and it was your fault!" Jaskier exclaims, and Geralt's eyes widen, his heart stopping for a moment and grip weakening.

Jaskier wrenches his arm from Geralts grip before suddenly feeling calmness over take him as Geralt uses Axii on him.

Jaskier leans against the wooden door, mumbling to himself, and Geralt frowns again. He guides Jaskier to sit back down on the bed, and Yenn's hand glides over the bards body. 

"hm, the curse is definitely back. Not as strong, so hopefully easy to get rid off this time." She murmers, "im going to need my pouch from our room, Ciri, do you mind?" 

"not at all" Ciri nods, and leaves the room to go fetch it. 

Geralt watches Jaskiers face, a second ago full of fear and confusion. He had just admitted it was his fault he had died. 

"I know what you're thinking, and you're over thinking it" Yennefer tries, "he said it in the moment, I'm sure he's just.. Scared and in pain. 

Geralt slowly nods, but her words didn't make his pain any better. Jaskiers words were conformation. 

Ciri comes back with Yennefers pouch, and the sorceress takes out a vial, full of blue liquid. She opens Jaskiers mouth and forces him to swallow it. Jaskiers shoulder slump, and he visibly looks more comfy.

"what was that?"

"painkillers. I'm assuming his head is throbbing as if a anvil dropped upon it" Yenn shrugs. "a healing sleep should rest his mind"

And before Geralt knows it, Jaskier is asleep. 

"personally, I have no idea what to do" She admits. "the curse Fringilla used was a original spell, one I never seen before, if I perhaps knew what she used to make it—"

"a corpse of a baby. New born" Geralt wrinkles his nose. "when I was in her cottage, tied up, it smelt of that. That and cinnamon as if she tried to get rid of the smell but.. I have enhanced senses"

Yennefer clenches her fists as Ciri gasps.

"vile. Using a baby for a spell. To fuel chaos? Ugh" Yennefer looks sick. "I can't do the reverse spell. I'm going to need what she used, I refuse to take the life a child."

Geralt grunts, and nods. "so what, then?"

"well, the spell is faint enough that it could be possible it could disappear with time. Of course, it will just be painful, for Jaskier. Despite how weak the curse is, it will still affect him. Not like previously, how his arm rotted. Maybe mentally, or emotionally." she shrugs, "but I have a feeling it will disappear naturally, and within a year, at most"

Geralt nods, "how are we going to explain everything to Jaskier?"

"he remembers now, right? Nothing to explain" Ciri shrugs, "it's just his opinions that are going to be the tough part.. What if he blames us for everything?"

The room goes quiet and Yennefer sighs, standing, "I should get going. I have a meeting out of town," She lies, and Geralt feels it in his bones. He doesn't blame her for not wanting to be here when Jaskier wakes up.

"okay. Safe trip" Ciri gives Yenn one last hug, before Yennefer nods, portals out.

Ciri leaves, to get some sleep. 

* * *

Jaskier awoke, two days ago, to be exact. And hadn't spoken, or eaten, or moved much. 

"Jaskier" Geralt pleads, bring a spoon of stew to the bards mouth. "Eat. Please."

Geralt watches as the bard finally opens his mouth and eats, still quiet. He brings another spoonful to the man's mouth, and he eats again.

"i miss your voice" Geralt admits quietly, "I miss you"

Jaskier tenses and shakes his head at the next spoonful. 

Two spoons, at least that was progress. He sets the bowl down to the bedside table.

"I'm going to combat train Ciri now. I'll be back in an hour"

Jaskier doesn't day anything, and the smell of fear had disappeared a day ago, but Geralt could feel it in his skin, and in how Jaskier avoided looking at him. 

Jaskier was terrified of him, and he had no idea why. 

He trains Ciri, makes sure she's feeling okay, teaches her a few things, and she goes to the tavern and gets food for herself, and looks at the notice board for Geralt. 

When hes about to enter Jaskiers room, he hears humming, it's soft and gentle, but held meaning behind it. He enters, and it stops. Jaskier doesn't look at him.

"I don't understand" Geralt sighs, "you're scared of me, but why..?"

Jaskier finally meets his eyes, and Geralt is shocked to not see fear, panic or anger behind them. Just.. Confusion, and.. Longing.

"I'm sorry.. For letting you die" Geralt slowly grabs his hand, and internally yells with glee when Jaskier let's him, and brings the hand to his face, he feels Jaskiers thumb make small motions on his cheek. "I'm so fucking sorry.. Since you died in my arms I can't.. I just can't get it out of my head that it's my fault."

"it's not." Jaskiers voice is hoarse. He finally speaks. 

Geralt shakes his head. "but it is. If i—"

"it's not. Please, drop it." Jaskier murmers, "just believe me."

Geralt stares at him, unsure, till he realises Jaskiers body language sends the message clearly. He didn't think it was Geralts fault. When he mentioned it, Jaskiers shoulder squared and his jaw tensed.

"I love you" Geralt tries, "I love you so much but I'm terrified of losing you. Again"

Jaskier closes his mouth, and leans back again, looking solem and tired. 

There's silence between them, and Geralt isn't sure what he expected back.

"you should rest" He tries. The bard shakes his head.

Geralt stays by his side anyways.

A week passes, and Jaskier starts moving, and eating regularly, but he is yet to talk again. He plays his lute again, and Geralt sees him groan in frustration as his fingers shake. Perhaps a side effect of the return of the curse, as Yennefer said.

Some days his hands are steady and stealthy, as if he's mastered slight of hand, and yet, on others, it's as if hes old and frail. 

One night, he's ready to go to sleep, on the floor as always; while Jaskier sleeps on the bed.

"Geralt?" He hears, and turns to look at the bard on the bed.

Geralt grunts and Jaskier takes a moment before speaking again.

"I miss you." he mutters.

Geralt sits up, staring at Jaskier, eyes wide. "you.. Miss me?"

"come here" Jaskier sighs quietly, moving aside on the bed, enough space for Geralt to join him.

The witcher lays down next to Jaskier, and the bard puts his arms around the witcher. 

"I'm sorry I've been quiet and.. Different. I just..im adjusting" He murmers into Geralts shoulder. "it feels like there's this gap in time on my head and I just can't swallow the feeling that I fucked up. I should have told you about the curse before it got really bad."

"you should have. But I can't blame you. You.. You felt like you were a burden to me. I'm sorry" said Geralt, playing with Jaskiers hair softly. "Im so fond of you, it hurts me to see you not yourself."

"I love you too, you big softie"

Geralt sees Jaskiers chest slump, as do his shoulders, and for the first time since he got his memory back, Jaskier relaxes and Geralt smells love and trust radiating from him.

"we need to get moving, little lark" Geralt murmers, "I don't want to rush you, but tomorrow is our last day here.."

Jaskier nods, "I was getting a bit bored of being here anyways. Although I'm not sure I can play the lute as often on the road"

"good" Geralt rolls his eyes, and Jaskier gasps dramatically, yet tiredly.

"how dare you?" Jaskiers eyes close. "you're lucky I'm too tired to complain."

"get some sleep, Jask" Geralt brushes his hand through Jaskiers hair, and said man falls asleep.

Geralt hums lowly, before joining him in slumber.

* * *

They travel for months, Jaskier takes it upon himself to reach Ciri the way of poetry and the young girl catches on quickly, and makes a sassy remark to Jaskier about how she had the best education. It isn't long before the witcher and the bard rekindle their relationship after their talk, and they're stable; making a good team.

Geralt buys Jaskier a sword, and insists he needs it to protect himself. Geralt teaches Jaskier how to use it, how to wield it as an extention of ones self. A couple mishaps happen, and of course, they get injured every now and then. 

A year or so passes, and Geralt notices Jaskier has stayed the exact same, besides his hair growing out (just to get cut again) and he doesn't mention it, but Jaskier does.

They talk of the possibility that the curse had a side affect on Jaskiers aging. 

"do you think, perhaps, I age much slower now? I feel it." Jaskier says, and Geralt stops sharpening his sword.

"maybe." Geralt smirks, "now I'm stuck with you for eternity if that's the case"

"nawh, it's more like I'm stuck with you, for eternity." He pokes the witcher cheek, "we're to take Ciri to Kaer Morhen this year, at winter, right?"

"mhm" Geralt answers, "Vesemir wants to pick up where he left off with her last year."

"I don't understand why we don't settle for a while, till Ciri is.. A bit older." Jaskier shrugs, "18 at most."

"I don't like staying at Kaer Morhen for too long, I don't like staying anywhere too long" Geralt insists, "but it would be nice for Ciri. I'll consider it"

Winter comes too soon, and Jaskiers hands shake worse every winter, so they don't get as much money from his lute playing as they would in the summer, so instead of stopping by taverns or Inn, they often set up camp on their way to Kaer Morhen.

Eventually they make it, and Ciri almost immediately starts training with Vesemir, especially with her pair of lungs, and Geralt is proud to see her get stronger and wiser. Yenn would be too.

It's one night that Jaskier finds himself unable to sleep, that he stares out into the sky, all the stars and so, when Geralt joins him on the balcony.

"remember last month?" The bard mutters, "we talked about the possibility that I may be aging slower than normal"

"is that what's been keeping your mind all day?" Geralt murmers, wrapping his arm around Jaskier, still staring at the stars with the man.

"I don't know if I want to.. Life for eternity, or well, normal than a human should." Jaskier shrugs. "but it doesn't sound so bad."

Geralt noses Jaskiers neck, planting a kiss on the cold skin gently. 

"come inside. We're busy tomorrow"

Jaskier nods, smiling, and they walk back inside form the balcony. 

Perhaps things would be fine. 

Perhaps forever wouldn't be bad, with Geralt and Ciri by his side. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter is shorter than normal, my apologies, the next chapter will be the last one and most likely just fluff and happiness.
> 
> Thank you for reading :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geralt learns to open up. Jaskier learns it's okay to not always smile. They learn they have each other.
> 
> Also, smut, after confessions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Often, when the future is talked about, people refuse to think about the bad, and focus on the potential good that may come.

That wasn't the case for Geralt. But he wasn't insecure and fearful of the future that was to come,

Instead he wanted to embrace the bad and work through it with Ciri, Jaskier and Yennefer. Like a family would do.

That had to be the first time he though of the three as family, right?

That made Geralt smile to himself internally, Family. They were his family. He felt.. Nice thinking of it like that.

After the events of Jaskiers memories finally returning, and him finally opening up again, there was the task of getting to talk to each other better. Especially about their goals and their feelings. They couldn't have a relationship without.. Communication, he realised.

Jaskier wasn't like Yennefer, she wasn't easy to read, but atleast he could tell what she was thinking. When it came to Jaskier, he was always forward with his complaints, emotions and feelings, but when it came to what Jaskier actually thought; Geralt was clueless on how to decipher what was going on behind those blue eyes.

Therefore, communication was definitely going to be important. 

But he had a feeling the hard part wasn't going to be discussing Jaskiers thoughts, and he needs to open up, because Jaskier was... _Easy,_ and Gentle.

It was Geralt that was going to struggle, because he's rough around the edges, and hard headed. He spent most of his lifetime being told he couldn't feel, and he shouldn't. 

Perhaps the problem was that he told himself that he couldn't feel so many times that he began to actually believe that. But he does— he does fucking feel things, emotions. He feels upset when he sees Ciri hurt, or if Yennefer is putting her walls back up. He feels angry when he sees someone try to attack Jaskier because the bard had slept with their missus. He feels.. Everything.

And yet, he cannot find it in himself to actually accept this fact and talk about it. He can't face Jaskier, or Yennefer, or Ciri and tell them that hes upset, or — or mad, or happy, because that would mean he was vulnerable.

He didn't want to be vulnerable.

Possibly, it was the idea that he was the one to always protect and help, always. And he loved that. He loved protecting the people he cared about.

But his training told him not to care about anyone, not to be vulnerable. 

Jaskier finds it easy to out himself on a platter with his feelings and all and present it to everyone like a new hunt for dinner.

That's why he loved the bard so much because he was trusting no matter the situation. 

Geralt wanted that, he really did. 

And through the past couple of years and months, through Jaskiers death and all, he knew that feasibly, it was time to let it happen instead of flinching away and hissing at the idea of opening up. 

If he wanted to be happy with Jaskier, with Ciri, and with Yennefer, He would have to be vulnerable. To communicate. 

Today, he finds himself readily meditating on the ground, next to the horses stables. The air was cool and the wind was gentle, Ciri was going over creatures and such with Vesemir, and he hadn't heard much from Jaskier since last night.

His eyes open when Roach snickers and he can hear her eating more hay, he gets off his knees and glances at her; she gives him a sharp look back, and snorts; throwing her head to the side.

Geralt smirks, "yea, yeah, I get it" he murmers, "more hay."

He grabs more hay, and puts it into her feeder, and refills her water, before petting her mane softly.

"you must feel so spoilt" He raises an eyebrow at her, "after weeks of wet oats"

She munches down into the hay, and Geralt hears a laugh behind him. He turns, and a smile tugs at the corner of his lips once he sees Jaskier. 

"talking to your mare, old man? You really must be going insane" Jaskier teases, putting his hands on his hips. "been looking all over for you"

"I've been meditating" Geralt steps forward, taking Jaskier by the waist and they sway side to side slightly.

"hm" Jaskier grins, "are you okay? You've been doing a lot more meditating than normal"

Geralts chest clenches at the concern laced into the man's voice, he stares at Jaskier almost in awe before letting out a exhale through his nose.

"oh, the ominous exhale!" Jaskier pokes him, "that's always a sign you need to talk. What's up?"

Geralt tilts his head at that before Jaskier guides him to sit down at a bench next to the stables.

"well.." Geralt swallows the lump in his throat, _communication,_ "Jaskier."

"yeah?" Jaskier brushes his thumb over Geralts hand.

"I.. I have feelings." Geralt pauses, and Jaskier smiles.

"no shit, witcher" Jaskier crosses his arms.

"when you.. Died." Geralt Ignores the comment. "when you died, I had never felt more vulnerable and distraught in my life. I ignored my feelings for a year, before actually mourning; and even then, I didn't do it the right way"

"Geralt, my dear" Jaskier softly murmers, "there's no right way to mourning. Everyone is different"

"I acted like you didn't exist in the first place for an entire year, until your death anniversary came around. Then I would go visit." Geralt closes his eyes, and he feels a shudder go through his body. "I never let myself feel. I want to communicate with you, so then things dont go like Yennefer and I."

"okay." Jaskier nods. "lets start with talking about how it's okay to be.. Undefended, vulnerable, persay." Jaskier meets Geralts eyes confidently. "for someone who has so many walls, this is going to be difficult."

"I know" Geralt murmers, "I don't care."

Jaskier breathes in, "you first have to admit what makes you feel defenceless, what makes you feel the need to amp up your usual brooding to eleven" He jokes slightly.

Geralt clenches his jaw and thinks. "you make me defenceless. You, Ciri, and Yenn. You guys make me feel and i— fuck.."

"it's okay." Jaskier tilts his head. "we make you feel and what, Geralt?"

"you make me feel and I'm terrified of that" Geralt glances away from Jaskiers eyes.

"we all get scared some times, that's okay, even witchers can be scared."

"i know"

"what else?"

"I feel vulnerable when.." Geralt sighs. "I don't know"

Jaskier ponders for a moment, and hums lightly.

"perhaps you feel vulnerable when something happens that you can't control? Vulnerability can lead to anger, and I know you get angry at destiny, or well, you don't believe in it"

Geralt rubs his hand over his face. "my belief in destiny is complicated. But yes, I get..nervous,is the word?, when something happens that I can't help."

"you're not a god, Geralt." Jaskier Takes Geralts hand and kisses the man's knuckles gently. "you cannot help everyone. And that's okay, sometimes it's just meant to happen like that. I know that doesn't help the guilt, but you cannot know the future..." 

Geralt slowly nods. Jaskier watches him for a moment. 

"you do know I don't blame you for my death, and I never will. It wasn't your fault" 

"you — you said it was my fault. When you first got your memories back."

"i was terrified and everything came in at once and I couldn't possibly have comprehended the weight of it all at once. I wasn't in a good state, so therefore whatever I said shouldn't have been taken seriously." Jaskier spits out, rolling his eyes. "understand?" 

Geralt felt like a school boy being scolded, "I understand" 

"good." Jaskier nods sternly, "how about we talk about comprehending these emotions and how to cope?" 

"please" It comes out as a plead, and Geralt finds himself.. Okay with that. 

They talk for what seems like hours, and it seems they've gotten somewhere, Some things that Jaskier had said were confusing but whenever he asked to clarify, the bard didn't hesistate. It was comforting. 

Eventually, Ciri comes to fetch them for dinner and they leave the stables to go eat. 

They eat together, a rabbit stew with carrots and potato's, it doesn't taste too bad, but it could be better. Ciri talks of how Lambert was training her in combat down at the keep, and boasts about how she startled him with a move he hadn't expected. From the smirk on Lambert face, Geralt could only assume the witcher had let her have the upper hand for once. Geralt praises Ciri softly, and smiles when she finishes her stew. Jaskier hums a tune while they eat, and Geralt knows that Jaskier is frustrated because he doesn't have an audience to present to. Luckily, Geralt has a surprise for him.

Dinner finishes soon, and Geralt finds himself in his and Jaskiers room once more, he lights the candles perfectly to create a soothing ambience that he knows Jaskier would appreciate. The said bard walks in moments later, and smiles at Geralt.

"this is nice" He compliments, and Geralt smirks, taking Jaskiers hand and pressing a kiss to the man's lips.

"sing for me" He asks, and internally rolls his eyes at the shocked face Jaskier makes.

"seriously?"

"yes." He sits, crossing his arms. "you wrote a new song, I want to hear it"

Jaskier nods excitedly, picking up his lute. 

The rest of the evening is filled with Jaskiers singing, and Geralt peacefully listening. It was almost like a siren song, Geralt was so entranced by the bard, and his singing. How happy Jaskier looked, how content he sung. Geralt would give up everything to stay like this.

"I love you" he says as Jaskier stops singing, and the bard looks at him. "I never got to tell you before you died, not properly, but I love you. And.. Everything bad I said to you, ever, I regret it all. I know that's not going to be enough to erase the dent it's made, but hopefully we can still move forward without being stuck on past mistakes"

Jaskier smiles lovingly at him, "I love you too, Geralt. And let's just look forward to the future, hm?"

"I don't know how you do it. Always smile when something is wrong.. Even on your deathbed you just.. Smiled at me and sang" Geralt cups Jaskiers cheek.

Jaskier falters slightly, "well...im a good actor."

Geralt frowns. "you don't have to hide when your upset or angry, okay?"

"I know. I know." Jaskier nods. "I just don't want to bother anyone, especially not you"

"you wouldn't bother me, sweet thing" Geralt noses the bards neck. "ever. If you ever feel upset, or mad, or.. Anything, you can always talk to me. I may not be the best with advice but..."

Jaskier hugs Geralt, "okay, my dear witcher. If I ever feel down in the dumps, I'll talk with you"

"I'm serious." Geralt insists, squinting at the bard. 

Jaskier swears and nods vigorously, "okay! Okay." He chuckles, "it's just.. I don't want to hold you and Ciri back, y'know?" 

"you would never." Geralt growls, "don't feel as if you are a burden, little lark. You're my bard. Not only that..." Geralt tries to find the words. 

"it's okay. You don't have to continue. I think i get it" Jaskier flushes red, grinning, "I wouldn't know what to do without you" He jokes, teasing. "my white wolf in.. Black shining armour" 

Geralt rolls his eyes and makes a 'hmm' noise, and Jaskier scoots closer to him. 

"I don't.. Know where I'd be without you" The bard admits sheepishly.

"probably dead in a ditch" Geralt smirks to himself as Jaskier gaps slightly.

"I have some sort of self preservation!" He punches Geralts arm gently, pouting like a child.

"hmm." Geralt hums, "im sure." He remarks sarcastically.

"shush, I'm really trying to be romantic here"

The witcher shuts his mouth as Jaskier presses his lips to his cheek. 

"like I was saying.." There's a pause, "before I met you.. I was singing for scraps and barely making the dent I wanted to make. No one knew my name. But now? I'm famous. I cleared your name. But that isn't whats important to me, well not mostly, what I care about the most is that.. I grew to adore you after meeting you. When I met you.. I made it my mission to find my way in those rough cracks and edges in your walls. I'm glad I did, I'm glad I persisted even when after two decades you could barely admit we were friends!" Jaskier smiles fondly at the memories.

"sorry — off point — what I mean is.. I need you more than I like to lead on. And, I'm sure it's the same vise versa despite how you'd probably reject the fact—"

"I wouldn't." Geralt interjects, shaking his head. ".. It scares me how much I need you, how touch starved I become without you; I don't know how I did it before I met you because now without you, I can't stand it."

Jaskier stares at him in awe for a moment before grabbing the witcher and pulling him in for a heavy passionate kiss, it's sloppy and swift, as if they feared tearing away from each other. The grip Jaskier had on Geralts dyed tunic was tight enough that his knuckles were turning white and when he pulled away from the kiss, his lips were red and bruised. Geralt stared at Jaskier for a moment before kissing him again once the bard caught his breath.

Geralt finds his back against the soft mattress as Jaskier straddles his waist, still kissing him with intent. The witchers hands find their way to the bards shirt, almost hesitantly; and when Jaskier doesn't pull away, he slips his hands underneath the mans shirt. He slowly pulls away from the kiss to pull Jaskiers shirt off his body; glancing over the chest hair on the man's chest.

"fuck" Jaskier murmers, before rushing to undo his belt when Geralt makes a tug at the belt, giving the bard a look.

"how do you want to do this?" Geralt places his hands on Jaskiers thighs when the belt and trousers are off, leaving him in his breeches.

"well, I don't mind." Jaskier speaks fast, leaning in and sucking under Geralts neck hotly. "perhaps I could fuck you, soft and slow, or - or you could fuck me however you want. I don't really mind."

"shush" Geralt takes lead, switching positions smoothly with Jaskiers back on the bed, and the bard looks up at him in shock of how fast that was done. "I'm going to make love to you. Properly, and nicely" Geralt murmers.

"if you want to be nice, maybe take off your clothes?" Jaskier raises his eyebrows, a smile played on his lips.

Geralt smirks, "whatever you say" He slowly strips, and when Jaskier whines when he takes special care to slow down at his trousers and breeches, he let's out a burr from his chest.

Geralt leans down onto the bard, pressing his teeth into the crook into Jaskiers neck gently, tongue licking at the skin slightly. The moan Jaskier let's out is almost heavenly and it immediately makes its way to the witchers cock. 

"Geralt, _Geralt"_ Jaskier pants out when Geralt slowly removes the bards breeches, and kisses down the man's stomach till he reaches his cock, leaking with precum and red.

"eager" Geralt growls, before taking Jaskier into his mouth slowly, mouth hot and wet.

Jaskier jumps slightly when his cock enters the witchers mouth, but is pleased nevertheless, moaning and panting like a whore in summer, and Geralt could only pray Ciri wasn't in her room next door as they did this.

Geralt sucks in a slow pace, and is surprised when a whine erupts from his throat when Jaskiers hand finds his hair and tugs slightly. That was new. He looks up at the bard, eyes half lidded and holds back the urge to fuck the man right there and now as he sees Jaskiers face. Blushing, sweating and eyes closed.

He lets his jaw go slack for a moment and Jaskiers eyes open, looking down at him. Before he gets what Geralt wants him to do. He roughly pulls on the witchers hair, shoving himself down the mutants throat deep, before pulling out to the tip and shoving back in; face fucking Geralt, rinse and repeat.

A couple moments pass and Geralt could smell it off Jaskier in waves, he was close. He slowly pulls off Jaskiers cock, drool dripping slightly off the corner of his mouth. He shushes the bard when he whines at the loss of contact. 

"the noises you make, Jask, fuck" Geralt adjusts their position so it's a bit more comfy. "I need oil"

"I need you" Jaskier bites back, "fuck. Fuck. Geralt please."

"do you have oil?" Geralt insists, cupping the man's cheek gently.

"pouch. Vial Next to my quill. Don't mix it up with the inkwell, trust me its going to be a messy clean up" Jaskier chuckles it himself and Geralt makes note of to ask about that later.

Geralt reaches for Jaskiers pouch on the floor next to the bed, finding the vial quickly, and tossing the bag back in the floor recklessly, and isn't surprised when Jaskier makes a complaint at the rough treatment of his bag because he's too occupied whining and grinding against the witchers hip. 

Geralt pours some oil onto his fingers, before slowly entering a first digit into the bards welcoming hole. He makes sure to keep a nice pace, the odd fast thrust of his finger every once in a while before adding in another finger and a third. He slowly opens up Jaskier, kissing the singers jaw and mouth when he can feel Jaskier doing his best to keep composure.

"I love you" He slowly removes his fingers and lines up his cock with Jaskiers hole, watching the tip press against it before slowly entering. "breathe, Jaskier"

Jaskier gasps slightly, closing his eyes before nodding, breathing in lightly, trying to press back onto the witcher but the mutants grip on his waist prevents him from doing so. 

"Geralt" Jaskier whines, "please just—"

Geralt shuts him up with a kiss to the lips, before slowly moving his hands from Jaskiers waist to underneath his knees, lifting the bards leg up slightly and finally bottoming out into the man; watching as Jaskier moans out and rolls his eyes back slightly.

"good gods" Jaskier whispers as Geralt stays still, letting him adjust nicely to the witchers size. "you are huge, what the fuck" 

Geralt grunts, leaning his forehead against Jaskiers as he can feel the heat and warmth of the bard around him. 

"move" Jaskier murmers after a while, and Geralt slowly rolls his hips, eyes still closed with his forehead on Jaskiers. 

Jaskier moans sweetly at just that, and Geralt can't help but wonder what noises the bard would make if he fucked him right, and perfectly, hitting that spot again and again—

Geralt slowly pulls out before thrusting back in, and Jaskiers mouth brushes against his shoulder. 

"Geralt please, _fuck_ me" Jaskier moans out, 

A noise erupts from Geralts throat as he continues to thrust in and out at what he decides is the perfect pace, the noise of skin slapping against each other fills the room from corner to corner. 

"Jaskier" Geralt keens, hitting the bards prostate perfectly.

Jaskier grips on Geralt roughly, biting his lip before spilling out the curses and moans, the whimpers and cries as Geralt continues to thrust against the spot just so gently.

He reaches for Jaskiers cock, stroking gently and a smirk pulls at his lips when Jaskier archs his hips like a puppet being pulled by strings. 

Geralt smells it before he feels it, Jaskier clenches around him tightly before white fills the witchers vision, cum splattered on Jaskiers stomach. He growls, and kisses Jaskier again, before reaching his climax himself, pulling out of the poet before he cums. It spills onto his own stomach and his lovers. He leans against the bard with a pant, and rolls off the man when Jaskier pats against his chest gently. 

"that was..." Jaskier pants, and Geralt glances at him. "great."

Geralt grunts, nodding slightly, and Jaskier grins. 

"I think I'm going to be sore for a while." Jaskiers hand goes to the discharge on his stomach, cringing at the sticky substance. 

Geralt immediately gets off the bed, and leaves the room for a moment before returning with a wet cloth. He gently cleans up Jaskier, and himself. 

"I love you" Jaskier pulls at him, wrapping his arms around the witcher. "and I'm ready to spend the rest of eternity with you" 

Geralt nods, smiling, pressing a gentle kiss onto Jaskiers jaw. "you didnt smell like fear." 

"oh?" Jaskier tilts his head. "is that rare when you're having sex?" 

"most brothel girls reek of it. It's a mood killer. I end up sending them away in the end. Yennefer didn't, and you don't." Geralt murmers, "im... glad you aren't scared" 

Jaskier cups geralts cheeks gently. "hey, I would never be scared of your handsome mug. Anyone who looks at you and gets terrified is stupid" 

"no, they have some common sense" Geralt rolls his eyes, "you don't." 

"hey!" Jaskier gasps dramatically, before grinning. "seriously though, you were great and.. Im sorry most of your experience with sex is filled with the scent of fear. From now on, it's just going to be.. What did I smell like?" 

"arousal, want and affection." Geralt kisses Jaskier again. 

"it's just going to be arousal, want and affection from now on in bed." Jaskier pokes Geralts arm. "next time I'm sucking you off and fucking you though" 

"hm," Geralt smiles, "okay" 

They spend the rest of the evening fondly in each others company. Jaskier makes an attempt of poetry describing sex with the witcher just to get a slap up the head, and when Geralt stays silent too long; he finds Jaskier pulling him back to reality. That night, they sleep together, Jaskiers arms around Geralt tightly.

In the morning, Lambert and Eskel tease Geralt, and Jaskier laughs when Geralt just glares back at the two other witchers. Ciri asked them what they were doing last night, just to get answered by a stuttering Jaskier and a silent Geralt. She doesn't get a solid answer, and finds herself dropping the subject, before asking Jaskier for her language and writing lessons to resume.

Geralt watches as Jaskier slowly takes her through pages of famous writings, helping her identify techniques used and helping her figure out what words meant what. Geralt liked the sight of his daughter and the man he loved together, bonding.

It warmed his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for joining Geralt and Jaskier on this journey through the two books, I appreciate the feedback and support you all send! I cannot say it enough, Thank you for reading!


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